What do you get when you cross a pig and a cactus?
A porky-pine.
If your piglet wants to be a wizard, there’s only one alternative: Hogwarts.
What do you give a sick pig?
Oinkment.
Why should you never rob a bank with a pig?
They always squeal.
What’s the number one complaint pig spouses have about one another? Too stub-boar-n.
What do you call a pig who does karate?
A pork chop.
What does an obstinate piglet always say to his mama?
“Sow what?”
What did Papa Pig shout at his kids in the car?
“Stop swining! We’re nearly there.”
A local farmer has trained his pigs to perform ballet.
I’m going to see their production of swine lake.
What do you get when you cross a pig with a centipede?
Bacon and Legs.
What’s the number one complaint pig spouses have about one another? Too stub-boar-n.
Why couldn’t the pig tie his shoelaces? He was too ham-fisted.
What do you call a pig that gets the test answer wrong? Mistaken bacon.
Why should you never share a bed with a pig? They hog all the covers.
Why did it take the teen pig so long to get ready for school in the morning?
She was very piggy when it comes to choosing what to wear!
What do you have left after a pig eats a watermelon?
Pork rinds.
I read a story about pig anatomy.
It was all straightforward until I found a twist in the tale.
What kind of work do pigs do after school?
Hamwork.
Why don’t pigs eat cake? Because they’re morally opposed to bacon.
What’s the one way you should never greet a male pig? “Sow, what’s up?”
What do you say to an overbearing pig? Stop porcine the issue.
What do you say to a procrastinating pig? Listen, bud, it’s snout or never.
What happens when you play tug-of-war with a pug?
Pulled pork!
What advice did the grandpa pig have for his kids?
“Don’t take anything for grunted.”
What did Mama pig ask her kids every day after school?
“Hoofeels hungry?”
What do you get when you cross a pig and superman?
The Man of Squeal.
Pig always have ink all over their faces because they live in a pen.
Any advice on getting a pet pig? Just be sure you get the pig of the litter.
Did you hear about the pig who opened a pawn shop?
He called it “Ham Hocks”
What do you call a guinea pig that has become a member of the mafia?
A hamster
What did the introverted pig say when asked why they don’t like socializing? “I’m not a people porcine.”
Why do pigs make awful football players?
They don’t like playing with the “pig skin.”
What’s the first line of the pig bible? “In the bacon-ing…”
What do you call a pig with three eyes?
A piiig!
What do you call a pig that drives around recklessly?
A road hog.
What do you call it when a pig loses its memory? Hamnesia.
What do you call a glass of alcoholic pig’s blood? Swine.
What did the little piglet want from the swine?
A piggyback ride home.
Why was the pig a pathological liar? It’s a porcine-ality disorder.
What’s the super-confusing way that pigs say I love you? “I a-boar-you.”
What’s the one book all piglets read in grade school? A Series of Un-porcine-ite Events.
What happened when the pig pen broke?
They had to use the pig pencil.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a tortoise?
A slow-pork.
What do the lady pigs say when someone leaves the toilet seat up? “Hoof-orgot to put the seat down?"
Why are pigs pink when they could be any pig-ment? Sow many reasons.
How do pigs get to the hospital?
In ham-bulances.
What do you call a pig with a rash? Ham and eczema.
What did the introverted pig say when asked why they don’t like socializing?
“I’m not a people porcine.”
What do you call a pig that does a lot of charity work?
Philanthropig
How does a 20-something pig hit on someone?
They invite them over to Netflix and swill.