What do trees drink at their parties? Root beer.
What did the boy volcano say to the girl volcano? I really lava you!
A parishioner at my church broke into the holy water tank and splashed some on his infant daughter, saying, "your are hereby baptized!"
That's just not rite.
What did the mushroom’s sing when they won the closed-cup? - We are the champignons!
How do rainbows sleep? In forty pinks.
When does it start to rain money?
When there is change in the weather.
Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
Because they spend years at C!
Why don’t Native Americans like to do rain dances in April anymore?
Because April showers bring Mayflowers.
What does seaweed say when it's stuck at the bottom of the sea? "Kelp! Kelp!"
What is a mountains favorite type of candy?
Snow caps.
When you mix a salt and water, you get a solution. When you mix a salt and battery, you get arrested.
What is worse than when it is raining buckets?
Hailing taxis.
Where do flowers recharge? At a power plant!
My father decided to mow the lawn today. As he mowed, all the grass blade.
What is an evil dictator’s favorite type of weather?
A rain of terror.
I was going to try putting a mushroom into my cola. I wanted to be a my cola gist.
How many lips does a flower have?
Tulips.
I was gonna make a river joke, but I don't think it's current.
Why are there so many ruts in the ice at the rink?
The maintenance crew must be slipping up.
What do flowers study in college?
STEM.
What did the bottled water tell the spy?
The names bond, Hydrogen bond.
What did the boy volcano say to the girl volcano?
I really lava you!
Q: What do you call it when it rains chickens and ducks?
A: Fowl weather.
How do two flowers greet each other?
Hey bud, how’s it growing?
I over boiled some venison broth earlier.
It was deerly mist.
I was going to make another mountain pun but I can't think of summit.
What is the name of the car that passes through the narrow stream of the river? Fjord.
There was a television channel ran by pets, the weather forecast was on and inclement weather was being predicted...
High chance of it raining cats and dogs, howling winds, and a possible purricane.
What did the tornado say to the sports car?
Let's go for a spin!
Have you heard about the restaurant that caters exclusively to dolphins?
It only has one customer, but at least it serves a porpoise.
What do you call a dinosaur who sat on a cactus?
A megalo-sore-ass.
Q: Why did the tornado take a break?
A: Because it ran out of wind!
Q: What do you call a windmill swallowed up by a tornado?
A: A wind meal
Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water?
Because he was a little horse!
Where do rocks like to sleep? In bedrocks!
What do you call a periodic table when the gold is missing? Au revoir.
Why should anyone experiment with thin ice?
It’s the best way to achieve a major breakthrough.
What happens when you blend an artificial waterway with a tree? You get a root canal.
Q: What do you call a weatherman who farts while he pees?
A. Rain with a little wind and thunder.
What do you call a can of pop found in a conglomerate?
Coca-Cola Clastic.
With the kind of weather, it was almost certain that the bride-to-be would get a hoarse throat as she walked through the rain into her bridal shower.
What did the metamorphic rock say during the test? This is too much pressure!
What do you call people who go to space? Icetronauts.
What tree is bought the most at the plant store?
The poplar tree
What did Betula pendula tell her little sister when she was annoyed? Leaf me alone, birch.
My wife refused to go to a nude beach with me
I can't believe she is so clothes-minded.
What does a queen want on her cookie?
Royal Icing.
What do you call a human that's now a cactus?
A transplant.
After all is red and done, all the colors in the rainbow are equally beautiful.
What did the gold say to the pyrite?
You’re a fool and a fake!