Why are environmentalists bad at playing cards? They like to avoid the flush.
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
If someone else would have invented the airplane, it wouldn't have been Wright.
Why should you never mess with a Gladiator who knows his English literature?
First he'll bellowulf at you, then he'll shakespeare
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
Once, a wizard had cursed a knight and turned him into a bird. To express his sorrow, he sang throughout the entire day because he had become a knightingle.
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
I destroyed all the air conditioners at work and escaped.
Police are now charging me with a 'heat and run' incident.
What do mushrooms watch on TV?
Spores.
Which underwear does King Tut wear?
Fruit of the tomb!
As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy? A power play.”
What do you call a happy aviator?
A gladiator
When I gave the wrong answer about Austrian composers in class, my teacher said, "Are you Schubert that?"
The paper my student wrote on Tsar Ivan was so bad, it was tearable.
Using vaccines is...
Antibody-building.
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions?
I haven’t seen you in light years.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
As a refrigerator technician, after a hard day on the job, I like to relax...
And chill out.
How do you keep food warm in the refrigerator?
Keep it in the corner, because it is 90 degrees.
What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?
Gladiator.
What do you call a can of pop found in a conglomerate?
Coca-Cola Clastic
How would you describe a stinky chemist?
Mole-odorous
Who brings colorful eggs to chemist's kids every spring?
The Ether Bunny.
Did you hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?
You could say it was a well thawed out plan.
I spilled some acid on my aluminum fork and it dissolved…
but I didn’t mean to! It was an oxidant.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
Why couldn't the Bard seduce the Gelatinous Cube?
Because cubes are platonic solids.
If you plant a light bulb in your garden, does it grow into a power plant?
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
Wanna hear the mountain joke?
nah you won't get over it
What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
Whats The Most tiniest Virus Ever? "smallpox".
I would say that life for the majority of people in the middle ages was rather peasant.
We were debating about Charles Darwin in class when the teacher warned us, "Don't let this evolve into an argument."
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
What is a vector’s favorite band? One Direction!
When Miss Acid told her husband, Mr Alkali, she was pregnant...
He exploded with anger.
It wasn't the reaction she was hoping for.
What to give your favorite electrical engineer for his birthday?
Shorts.
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
Did you guys hear about that 14-year old virgin girl who got pregnant after receiving the flu vaccine?
Sounds like an inoculate conception.
It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.
They often had to wear mail armor.