What do you call a martial artist who injured his leg?
Bruised Knee.
Why were the axons bothered by myelin?
It was getting on their nerves.
What do you call a group of arms?
An army.
What do Mexicans wear on their heads in the pool?
Swimbreros.
What do neurons use to talk to each other?
Cellular phones.
What
I love my wife with all my butt! I should have to say heart, but my heart is actually smaller than my butt.
Where does a neuron keep its money?
In a brain bank.
Where do skeletons go hang out at night?
Anywhere, as long as it's a hip joint.
What do you get when you cross a "bad idea for using fur" with 86 billion neurons?
A hare-brained idea.
What do you call it when you try to woo someone with 50% of a Valentine?
A halfhearted attempt.
I broke both my legs yesterday and now I have to use a wheelchair
I really can’t stand my situation right now.
A man walks into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm.
He goes up to the bartender and says "A drink please and another for the road."
Why do mummies like myelin?
Because of all the wrapping.
What do you call a group of brains who form a singing group at school?
A glia club.
When I was young, my dad used to throw quarters at my head whenever I acted up.
He said, “Maybe this’ll knock some scents into you.”
What do you call a funny bone?
A humerus.
What do you call an Irish dancer having a heart attack?
Michael flatline.
I'm going to get the numbers 1 through 30 tattooed up my arm.
That way people can always count on me.
Where do brains go for vacation in Massachusetts?
Braintree, MA
What human body part is long, hard, bendable, and contains the letters p,e,n,i,s?
Your spine.
Did you know there's a college in the brain for hippopotami?
It's called the Hippocampus.
It doesn’t help that my doctor keeps making fun of my broken leg. He’s just adding insult to injury.
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
What is a red heads favorite drink?
Ginger Ale.
I think I'm getting curvature of the spine...
I haven't seen a doctor yet, it's just a hunch.
What do you call a fake bone?
A faux-knee.
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
My mother's sister was a gamble who enjoyed poker. She would heartily add to the initial pot but fold after the first hand...
We called her Auntie Up.
What do you get when you cross a thought with a light bulb?
A bright idea.
Honey! I know this can be a bit cheesy, but you will always have a big pizza my heart.
My family visited a rude psychic, with degenerative bone disease, who insisted all of us had bad breath.
She was a super callous fragile mystic expecting halitosis.
Near the town of Hannah Montana people found a dinosaur skeleton.
Scientists identified it as a Mileysaurus.
I used to be engaged to a girl with a wooden leg.
But I broke it off.
Why are bones so calm?
Nothing gets under their skin.
I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent.
He was dead on a rival.
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
What do you call a hat for the brain?
A thinking cap.
Someone just asked me to sing any line from "Don't go breaking my heart."
I couldn't if I tried.
Why did the skeleton cross the road?
To get to the body shop.
What do you call it when a pillow hits its head?
A concushion.
Why did the pianist have to be rushed into surgery after his latest performance?
He played his heart out.
Why do skeletons get sick on windy days?
It goes right through them.
How does the Pope dry his hands?
He uses a Papal towel.
I got a new bread recipe where you don’t have to get your hands messy by mixing the dough.
It is kneadless, to say.
What do you say when two red blood cells get married?
Coagulations!
Dogs can't see your bones.
But catscan.
Grandpa died because we couldn’t figure out his blood type.
At least he told us to be positive.
What did the mother brain say to her oldest child when it was bothering her youngest child?
It didn't want to get brain-washed.
What do you call a woman with one leg?
ILENE.