What do you call someone who loves dark beer?
Stouthearted.
My mom always says that the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart. That’s why she is a bad surgeon.
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
I aorta tell my wife how much I love her.
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until a doctor advised me to take the candles off first.
You’re so beautiful, I can heartly believe my eyes.
My dad has the heart of a lion...
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
One or two hours warm my heart,
But 24 hours make my day.
“I told you Doc!! I’ve got fatigue and my heart keeps skipping a beat! Why do you keep calling me a liar??
Doctor: “Sir, I’ll say it again, that’s A Fib!”
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
Honey! I know this can be a bit cheesy, but you will always have a big pizza my heart.
I can heartly wait to see you again.
I have a heart-on for you.
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
Are you a locksmith? Because you hold the key to my heart.
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
Someone just asked me to sing any line from "Don't go breaking my heart."
I couldn't if I tried.
My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.
It was like love meant nothing to her.
The Mad Hatter and the Queen of Hearts had a rental agreement
A lease in Wonderland.
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
What vegetable lives in your heart?
Beets.
What did the dinosaur say to his lover?
You make my heart saur!
When my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance, my heart almost stopped,
Fortunately, she was just calculating velocity.
I lub dub you with all my heart.
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent.
He was dead on a rival.
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
She was wheeled to the operating room, but then she underwent a change of heart.
My mate Gavin passed away from heartburn last week.
Still can’t believe Gaviscon
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
What do you call an Irish dancer having a heart attack?
Michael flatline.
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
A friend failed his medical exam when he X-rayed his lower torso.
He didn’t put his heart into it.
When we put our two hearts together, we can’t be beat.
What did the vampire say to the vampire hunter that missed his heart.
Well wasnt that an unfortunate missed-stake.
You’re my sweetheart, and I’m so pumped about that.
What did the heart say to the brain before an exam?
You look nervous.
You should follow your heart, but keep in mind to take your brain too.
Bonnie Tyler has released a video all about cardiology.
It’s totally clips of the heart.
You must be a defibrillator because you are sending shocks directly to my heart.