Why should you never trust a train? They have loco motives.
The US army secretly trains pigeons to help overthrow hostile foreign governments.
It’s a military coo.
Why don’t elephants like to ride on trains? Because they hate leaving their trunks in the baggage car.
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
I know someone who tried to run away after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
I used to be a railroad conductor, but my boss found out I wasn’t trained.
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
Never liked the troll who lives under the local railway bridge. He’s my arch enemy.
What do you call a locomotive with a cold? A choo choo train.
Ticket inspectors. You’ve got to hand it to them…
How long does it take for electricity to travel the length of a 10 car train?
It all depends on the conductor.
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
I don’t want to drive you crazy, but I do have a loco-motive
Why did the train have bubble gum? Because he wanted to go Choo Choo
What kind of a car does a crazy man drive? A LOCOmotive.
If you walk along a railroad track you may soon feel run down.
My boss said to me, “You are the worst train operator ever. How many trains have you derailed in the past year?”
I said, “I’m not sure. It’s so hard to keep track.”
Why didn't the conductor know what to do when he found that his train was missing?
He wasn't trained for this.
I am on the train and a light just came on saying the toilet is engaged.
Congratulations, toilet!
What did Train say when they visited a sibling in South Korea?
Hey, Seoul Sister!
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
Where do crabs and lobsters catch their trains?
King's Crustation.
Did you hear about the man who sat next to his clone on the train?
He was beside himself.
Why do you have to wait so long for a train on Halloween? They only run a skeleton service.
What’s the difference between a teacher and a railway security guard? One trains the mind, the other minds the train.
What did the Mama Steam Engine say to her Baby Steam Engine at supper time? “Choo choo!”
How do you find a missing train? Follow the tracks
I just quit my job as a train driver a few weeks ago.
I can't help but feel that my life has gone off the rails since.
What do you give a train driver for Christmas? Platform shoes!
What is as big as a steam locomotive, but weighs nothing? Its shadow.
I’ve been meaning to make a list of bad railroad puns…but I keep getting side tracked.
Why did the monster eat the caboose? The locomotive told it to choo choo.
Did you hear about the boy who had to do a project on trains? He had to keep track of everything!
How do trains eat?
They chew chew.
New electric trains will run on conductors.
I tried to tell my favourite joke about trains, but it got derailed.
I was running to catch a train yesterday, but just as I was approaching it...
I realized my net wasn't big enough.
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
Why are ghosts no good at running a railway? A. Because they can’t even put on a skeleton service!
I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.
Why are the railroad tracks angry? Because people are always crossing them.
What do you call a train loaded with bubble gum? A chew-chew train.
How do locomotives hear? Through the engineers!
I've always wanted to become a podiatrist, but was made to train as a paediatrician first.
Baby steps.
What did the monster say when he saw a rush hour train full of passengers? Oh good! A chew chew train!
I was so embarrassed when my wife found me playing with my son’s train set that I threw a blanket over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
Never going drinking with Train drivers again.
All they did all night was tell me to ‘chug,chug,chug,chug.’
Why can’t the engineer be electrocuted? Because he’s not a conductor!
I know an elephant who refused to travel by train because he didn’t want to leave his trunk in the baggage car.
Why did the Mexican train robber rob the train?
Because he had a loco-motive.