In the eyes of the lawn.
Trowel and error.
What is it called when a gardener covertly listens to foliage falling in the fall?
Leaves-dropping.
If only I could grow green stuff in my garden like I can in my refrigerator.
Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.
One trick peony.
I started dating the girl across the street. Honestly, lawn-distance relationships aren’t that hard.
My local garden center is doing buy one, get one free on manure. Don’t sniff at this offer.
How do you know if you're a bad gardener?
All the rocks in your garden went belly up!
Do you know what really bugs me? Insect puns.
Leaf me alone.
I beg your garden?
Ants in your plants.
Why are shovels, trowels, and spades so common in down-to-earth novels and movies?
Because they're plot devices.
I’m very frond of you.
How to stop a dog from digging in a garden?
Start right! Never let the dog see you digging... Doggy see doggy do.
Our farm is haunted by chickens. You could say that we have a poultry-geist problem.
What’s the easiest way to stop a dog from digging in the garden?
Take away his shovel!
Mountains aren’t just funny. They’re hill areas.
If, instead of talking to your plants, you yelled at them, would they still grow, only to be troubled and insecure?
What did the gardeners say when he discovered nasty weeds in his garden?
I have spotted spurge!
I was offered a job as a gardener, but I didn’t take it because the celery was too low.
Any self-respecting rock will break at least one shovel before accepting its new home.
All dressed up and nowhere to grow.
You’re unbeleafable.
Why is The Hulk such a good gardener? Because he’s got green fingers.
Seed between the lines.
What’s the name of the gardener’s favorite show? Lawn and order.
Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have?
I planted myself on the sofa at the beginning of April and I've grown bigger ever since.
Eat, drink and be rosemary.
What rock would you find inside a garden shed?
Shedimentary.
Why do gardeners plant bulbs? So the worms can see where they’re going.
We’re mint to be.
What runs around a garden but never moves? A fence.
I’m rooting for you!
After a year of waiting, my publisher finally approved my book on gardening
It's about Thyme.
I’ll never leaf you.
Have you botany plants lately?
Gardening question: Does anyone know a good place where I can buy a fern? Asking for a frond.
What happened to the Venus Fly Trap's plant food?
The arbor-ate-em.
I had a job drilling holes for water. It was well boring.
If a man is alone in the garden and speaks, and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
I’m kind of a big dill.
How do you know you are a Master Gardener?
There is a decorative compost container on your kitchen counter.
You would rather go to a nursery to shop than a clothing store.
You prefer gardening to watching television.
You plan vacation trips to arboretums and public parks.
Dirt under your fingernails and calloused palms are matters of pride.
Long thyme no see.
What do you call a grumpy and short-tempered gardener?
A Snapdragon.
What do you get if you cross a four-leaf clover with poison ivy?
A rash of good luck.
Schwarzenegger retired from TV to kill bugs. Now he’s an ex-terminator.
What kind of socks does a gardener wear?
Garden hose!
Don’t moss around.