I swear I was born in the wrong generation. Nowadays everyone is addicted to their phones.
I wish I was born in the 80's when everyone was addicted to Cocaine.
Why are wooden hard drives so bad?
They're all bark and no byte.
Keep Your Friends Close, Your Utility Keys Closer.
My Wifi password is "writtenontherouter"
And I let all my guests walk to the router and let them unsuccessfully try to use the initial password until I tell them it's literally "writtenontherouter".
What made the computer so smart?
Because he listened to his motherboard!
My wife and I got married under a cell phone tower.
The ceremony wasn't great, but the reception was perfect.
What do computers do on a beach vacation?
Surf the net.
My sister's laptop is so sassy and fun, it loves to play disc-o music.
I dropped my computer on my foot.
It mega-hurts.
Someone just called my phone, sneezed and then just hung up.
I am getting sick and tired of these cold calls.
I came into the office early and switched as many M and N keys on keyboards as I could. Some might say I'm a monster...
But others will say nomster
Dear keyboard manufacturers, I'm writing to request a redesign so that g and t wouldn't be right next to each other. Retards
Q. Why can't computers play tennis?
A. They try to surf the net.
I wasn't making enough money as a keyboard percussionist so I started moonlighting as gun salesperson.
I go from glockenspiel to Glock and spiel.
My wife asked: "What's our WiFi?"
I said: It's an internet connection that works wirelessly through something called a modem. Why?"
She hasn't spoken to me all week.
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
They were Prime mates!
I told my boss, "Sorry I'm late. I was having computer issues."
Boss: Hard drive?
Me: No, the commute was fine. It's my laptop.
Why don't birds make cell phone calls? They might accidentally wing the wrong number.
'what's the Wifi password?'
'Its for security'
'Haha, yes, I know that. But what's the password?'.
'No, it's 'forsecurity'. All one word, lower case.'.
V
V
Edit*: sorry it seems as the CTRL button on my keyboard isn't working
If you used a keyboard with built-in speakers, you would be...?
Stereotyping.
What happened to the plane run by a computer?
It crashed.
Why did the computer spy get fired?
She couldn't hack it.
What do a phone and an engaged girl have in common? They both have rings.
My cell phone got drunk.
It took too many screenshots.
What group of people always had the highest cell phone bills?
The Romans.
My computer is so slow it's running in the '90s.
Why can't elephants use computers?
Because they're scared of the mouse.
I just lost a key on my keyboard
Now its all out of control.
The FBI are raiding an alleged spy's apartment when they discover a hard drive labeled "KGB".
One of the agents holds it up with a look of confusion and says, "Why wouldn't he just write 1 TB?"
What did the phone say to begin the race?
On your marks, handset, go!
Q. What's a computer geek's favourite snack?
A. Microchips.
How did the mobile phone propose to his girlfriend?
He gave her a ring
I left my job at the keyboard factory today. To be honest, I had been looking for an Escape for a while.
A router and a modem got married.
They were pronounced husbandwidth and Wifi.
Where do computers go to dance?
The disk-O.
Q. Why couldn't the dinosaur play games on the computer?
A. Because he ate the mous
I used to store motivational quotes that I found online, onto the cloud, for whenever I needed some inspiration.
Unfortunately I forgot the password for my Google account.
I have no Drive.
My wireless keyboard isn't working
I guess I need to re-pair it.
How do trees get on a computer?
They just log in.
People need to be careful about computers at all times because they byte.
My computer was running pretty hot
Until I downloaded some fan art, and now it's working better.
What did the girl say when she got a fake call? "I think that call was phoney".
Why did the computer parts salesman quit?
He lost his drive.
In an attempt to deter computer hackers I've changed all my passwords to 'Brazil Nut'
That will be a hard one to crack.
This time last year I was working as a computer programmer, installing auto correct. But out of nowhere..
.. I was fried for no raisin.
What happens when you turn on a computer?
You turn it's floppy disk into a hard disk.
You know you're texting too much when...
you try to text, but you're on a landline!
I introduced my mouse to my keyboard today...
It was awkward at first, but then they just clicked.
My father got a new laptop, and it is now like the baby computer of the house, so we refer to the older laptop as the 'Data'.