I got a new cell phone for my wife...
Pretty awesome trade if you ask me!
What happens if you cross a night crawler with a telephone? You get Ringworm!
Why does Mr. Potato need a cell phone? Incase Mr. Onion Rings.
Did you hear about the cell phone that got arrested?
It was charged with battery.
A friend of mine has a mobile phone shaped like an Italian dumpling. It's a gnocchia.
My wife and I got married under a cell phone tower.
The ceremony wasn't great, but the reception was perfect.
Mobile phones have been around longer than people think.
I was watching this film the other day and heard Sir Lancelot ask someone to fetch his charger.
I did it! Dad said to save my money til my balance looks like a phone number.....
Available balance: $9.11.
I named my phone "The Titanic" because it's always syncing.
What brand of hand soap do telephone operators use? Dial.
The umpire kept answering his phone during the softball game.
He said he didn't want to miss any calls.
Where do phones like to travel?
To the Great Call of China!
My husband asked me to sync his phone. So I threw it in the sea - not sure why he is upset.
What is a tiny cell phone called? A microphone.
Autocorrect has become my worst enema.
What happens when you cross a cell phone with a skunk?
You get stinky service!
What happened to the girl's phone when she was getting a perm done? She got a frizzy signal.
What did the phone say to begin the race?
On your marks, handset, go!
Why don't birds make cell phone calls? They might accidentally wing the wrong number.
I deleted all my German friends from my cell phone contact list.
Now I'm Hanns free.
My mobile phone has a tuneless ring tone. It's chordless.
I left my phone under my pillow last night and woke up to coins underneath it. It must have been the Blue-tooth fairy.
If they could prove cell phones give deadly radiation
You could say to people you don't like "cant talk right now, you're giving me cancer".
Since getting sober, I decided to go with the cheapest cell phone provider I can find!
Way fewer bars!!!
Why did the telecommuter quit her job? Because talk is cheap.
How come an owl turns his cell phone off at night? So he doesn't get any hooty calls.
Cell phones are a static symbol.
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
"...a TOE TRUCK!!??"
I was testing the speaker phone on the intercom on our landline with my father yesterday.
It started to make that annoying noise. My old man said it was too close to call.
4G, or not 4G, that is the question.
Someone just called my phone, sneezed and then just hung up.
I am getting sick and tired of these cold calls.
What do a phone and an engaged girl have in common? They both have rings.
What kind of phone does a burglar use?
A no-key-a.
I like to write jokes down and store them on my phone, so that I can tell them to him later.
I call it my Dad-abase.
Why don't skeletons have a mobile? They don't have any body to talk to.
Why did the telecommuter lose his job? He had to many hang ups.
What did the girl say when she got a fake call? "I think that call was phoney".
While I was driving, I saw another person driving while talking on his cell phone.
I got so mad, I threw my beer at him.
Wel'l Wel'l Wel'l - if it isn't autocorrect.
Why is it so hard to contact a pirate? He leaves his phone off the hooks.
You might be able to use a smuggled cell phone in prison.
You just have to have cell coverage.
How did the mobile phone propose to his girlfriend?
He gave her a ring
How can someone tell if a bee is on their phone? They'll get a buzzy signal.
What do you call a fake Nokia? A phone-y of course.
How does a pirate communicate? With his aye phone.
I almost got in trouble because I tried to talk to someone in the same room as me over the phone...
...It was a close call.
Just received Areal Flood Advisory notification on my phone
I should hope it's a real one, the fake ones are just annoying.
I was on the phone with my wife and said, "I'm almost home, honey, please put the coffee maker on." After a twenty-second pause, I asked, "You still there, sweetheart?"
"Yeah," she replied. "But I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now"
I fell asleep on my phone the other day. It downloaded a nap.
My cell phone got drunk.
It took too many screenshots.