It used to be free to fill up your car tires with air, now it costs $1.25. You know why?
Inflation.
What is a car’s favourite movie character?
Aerial from The Little Mermaid.
Passenger: One ticket to New York, please.
Bus Driver: By way of Buffalo?
Passenger: No, by bus!
My wife said she saved $5 by not taking a bus and walking home
I said, you could've saved a $20 by not taking a cab instead
I have to pay for a bus ticket?
I guess it's only fare
Who should drive home out of the two friends?
The one who is not tired.
Driving behind an ambulance, I watched a box fall off the back. I checked inside and there was a foot in it, so I decided to call a toe truck.
How do you impregnate a submarine?
Fill it with seamen.
What do you call unwanted revealing comments about a movie?
Spoilers.
If you ride your bike twice a day, is that recycling?
My brother has been riding a bicycle since he was 4 years old
Damn he must be very far away by now
What did the computer say to the other after a 16 hour car ride?
"That was a hard drive."
What superhero takes public transportation to get around? Bus Lightyear.
I heard that a truck carrying Scrabble tiles has just overturned… Well, that’s the word on the street, anyway.
Two trucks – one carrying strawberries and one carrying sugar – crashed. Drivers didn’t stop, and now the jam is getting thicker.
What is a car’s favourite fashion accessory?
A clutch bag.
What do you call a big queue of trucks, making cheesy one-liners? A pick-up line.
The local motorway has become blocked after a truck shed it's load of brightly coloured writing paper and envelopes.
Police say the traffic is pretty stationery...
What color are military submarines?
Deep navy
Which bus went from Spain to America?
Columbus
What do you call a square that got into a car accident?
A rect-angle
A police officer knocked on my door and told me that my dogs were chasing people on bicycles what rubbish my dog doesn’t even own a bike.
How to cars convince you?
By telling you that ‘you Audi-believe it.’
49. What does a child car play with?
Toy-otas.
What is a car’s favourite bug?
A beetle.
Where do bus drivers eat their lunches? In a traffic jam.
While I was riding my bike, there was a big tropical storm. I decided to cyclone.
Officer: “I’m sorry sir, it looks like your wife has been hit by a truck.”
Me: ”Yeah I know, but she’s got a great personality though!”
The navy is now taking dogs along on their submarines
They're subwoofers
What the motto of a Boy Scout who got a badge for fixing a bicycle horn?
Beep Repaired!
Driving a truck carrying cutlery is easy – as soon as you see the fork in the road, you know you’re there.
Why did the tricycle not hang out with the bicycles?
It felt like a third wheel
As I put the car in reverse, I thought to myself:
"This really takes me back".
I'd steer clear of dating a dyslexic bus driver.
Sure, they may take you places, but there'll be mixed signals along the way.
What should you double check when buying an electric car?
That your driving license is current.
What do cars play at the weekend?
Golf.
I’ve always been a trucker, but recently I applied for a job at Microsoft. I’ve heard they’re always looking for more drivers.
I told my boyfriend I'd missed the bus.
He asked me what I was trying to hit it with.
What are police cars made of?
Copper
What happens when you run in front of a bus?
You get tired.
What happens when you run behind a bus?
You get exhausted.
A slat spreading truck knocked me off my bike last year. I yelled “You idiot!” through gritted teeth.
Why did the bus driver eat a burger? He wanted to 'bus-t' his energy!
It’s never great taking a truck driver to the cinema to watch a film. They only really like the trailers.
Have you heard about the guy who stole a truck carrying supplies of disinfectant? Police say he made a clean getaway.
A silent man walked into a bicycle shop...
He picked up a wheel and spoke.
Car puns are really tiring
I’m trying to teach my son how to put the chain back on his bike but he still can’t seem to do it.
I guess it must be sprocket science.
What do the Scottish cars wear as hats?
Flat-caps.
What do all French cars come with as standard?
A spare wheel of cheese.
How does a car express love to another?
‘I a door you.’