What do you call spooky mascara
Mascarea.
I once knew an arrogant sponge.
He was very self absorbed
Here’s my best advice for getting a job in the lotion industry:
Apply daily.
What would you call a familiar scent?
Nose-talgic.
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.
Why did Chanel sue a company which came out with its own "No. 5" perfume?
They thought it was a fragrant violation of the law.
A friend of mine was taking a bath when he realised he wasn’t a very good burglar.
My doctor told me to drink two glasses of red wine after a hot bath...
But I can't even finish drinking the hot bath.
The instructions on this stick deodorant said "remove cap and push up bottom"...
I can hardly walk!
What do you call a guy that has good manners, bad hygiene, and an affinity for word play?
PunGent.
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
I’ve got a urinal that just won’t get serious...
It’s always taking the piss.
What must a witty perfume have?
Scents of humor.
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
What do you call a tree that grows deodorant, toothpaste and tampons?
A toiletry.
Did you see that meteor shower?
No, I respect others’ privacy.
What type of onion can't hold in moisture?
A leek.
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
This s***ty toilet broke down again!
How do sponges talk to the devil?
They use a squeegee board.
I'm good at manicures but bad at languages.
Although I think I would nail Polish.
I lost my daughter’s cosmetics bag...
I wonder how I’ll make up for this mistake.
Do perfumes expire?
In essence, they do.
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
I need more soap puns!
Because all the good ones keep slipping through my fingers.
Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
I got 5 packs of deodorant for a nickel.
Deodorant is a scent.
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
I was thinking about hopping in the shower...
But I realized that I might slip and hurt myself.
My wife asked me, “Did you fog up the bathroom mirror again?”
I said, “I don’t see myself doing that.”
What do you call it when a doctor puts a camera inside of a bottle of perfume?
A cologne-oscopy.
I'm developing a new fragrance for introverts
It's called "Leave me the fuh cologne".
Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?
Because it was wiped out.
What do you call a tree without teeth?
A gumtree.
I got this new chapstick today...
It's the balm!
Why Don't Gymnasts Use Towels?
Cause they dumbbell dry.
Saw a sign for bath plugs. I didn’t know that was electric!
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
I used too much of my wife’s moisturizer after taking my shower this morning.
So I called in slick for work today.
France gave perfumes to countries it dominated in the past...
That was classic Colognialism.
Why did the girl put lipstick on her forehead?
She needed to makeup her mind!
My job installed this new faucet.
I'm really faucinated by it.
Was talking to a record producer at the urinals the other day...
Next thing you know I had a number one on my hands.
Why are the tiles in your shower so jolly?
They're having a grout time.
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
Some people stand up off the toilet before they flush, but I don’t
I don’t want to see that sh**!
Toilet jokes aren’t my favorite...
But they’re a solid number 2.