What do gnomes love to sing at Christmas?
We're driving gnome for Christmas.'
Call me on the shellphone.
Why cant a dwarf be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
Would you call a hardy unicorn that survived disease an immunicorn?
You seem a little mer-mad.
A komodo dragon works security cameras at a store for other komodo dragons. Mostly, he makes sure no other dragon is spying on the customers.
He's a monitor monitor monitoring a monitor for monitoring monitors.
What kind of underwear does a math-obsessed mermaid wear?
An algae bra.
Did you hear about the misbehaving unicorn? Sure, but I never though that these creatures could get so horny.
What did the fish say to the mermaid?
- Have a fintastic day!
Where do criminal unicorns sentenced to death go? They go on corn row.
Why can't mermaids use the letters A or B?
They only know what's below C level.
What is the little mermaid’s favorite font?
Arial.
I designed a dungeons and dragons weapon for wizards. It's a magical melee weapon shaped like a tome that uses intellect for damage instead of strength.
I call it "Book Club"
Why is the tooth fairy so smart?
Because she has wisdom teeth!
Go big or go gnome.
I think you're mer-mazing.
"Santa’s pretty stelfy going down the chimney, don’t you think?" said one elf to another.
What kind of pictures do elves love to paint?
Elf-portraits!
I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
Why does the fairy kingdom smell so awful?
Because of all the toad stools.
What kind of motorbike do elves ride to work?
A Holly Davidson!
Did you hear a gnome's favorite sport is baseball?
They love to score gnome runs.
For years I told my daughter she was half-human and half-mermaid... but that her bottom half was human, and her top half was mermaid.
A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, creature, are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "I guess I'm a gnome."
Whose music do elves like the most?
Elf-is Presley.
I hate how all my fairy photographs have really bad quality.
They’re all so pixielated.
Famous mermaid saying: Keep your friends close and your anemones closer.
Did you hear the one about the Troll who tried to pay for dinner with a gnome? He came up short on the bill.
Did you hear about the one-legged gnome?
He’s one foot tall.
No one could tame the unicorn. He was horn to be wild.
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
Did you hear about the gnome city that doesn’t let humans through the gates? They call it Gno-man’s-land.
Why did the elf use a duck to wake him on Christmas morning?
So he could be up at the quack of dawn!
I don’t always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!
Did you hear about the elf who was a little hard of hearing?
She had to keep saying "Sleigh, what?"
What do pixies use to clean their teeth?
Fairy floss.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gnome.
Gnome who?
Gnome sweet gnome.
A man meets a fairy.
"I grant you 2 wishes" , says the fairy.
"I want a bottle of beer that never gets empty" , says the man.
He starts to drink. After two minutes he stops drinking and the bottle is still full.
"And youre second wish?" the fairy asks.
"Another one of those."
What kind of money do elves use?
Cold cash!
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights.
Did you hear about the misguided unicorn lumberjack who was killing humans? He believed he was doing random axe of kindness.
What kind of bread do elves use to make sandwiches?
Why shortbread of course!
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
Two Dragons walk into a bar.
1st dragon: It's hot in here
2nd dragon: Shut your mouth.
Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
'Cause he was always a little short.
Did you hear about the Elf booted from the chorus?
He couldn't Fa-la-la-la-long.
You'd think seeing a mermaid in real life would be terrifying, but it wasn't half as bad.
What do you call an extremely disgusting unicorn that no one likes? An eeeww-nicorn.
What do elves learn when they go to school?
The elf-abet.