What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
Why was the gnome just standing over his lawnmower and crying?
Because he hit a rough patch.
What do you call a psychic gnome who escaped from prison?
A small, medium at large!
Too bad, if only I’d gnome!
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
Which kind of jokes do gnomes like to tell?
Elf-deprecating puns.
Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!
I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
Did you hear a gnome's favorite sport is baseball?
They love to score gnome runs.
Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
I don’t always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!
Gnomes can be quite annoying when they’re indecisive. All they say is yes, gnome, maybe.
Go big or go gnome.
What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?
A small arms dealer.
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus or earth dweller.
In other words, it's a misgnomer.
What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.
What do gnomes use to guard their mazes?
Minitaurs.
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gnome.
Gnome who?
Gnome sweet gnome.
What race makes for the edgiest bards?
Rock gnomes.
Did you hear about the troupe of gnome dancers that robbed half the city blind?
They had a good run, but the jig is up.
A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, creature, are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "I guess I'm a gnome."
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.
Did you hear the one about the Troll who tried to pay for dinner with a gnome? He came up short on the bill.
Did you hear about the gnome rogue?
Of course not, that g is silent!
What do you call fifty-five gnomes in the mouth of a kraken?
A good start.
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
Did you know garden gnomes wear little red hats?
It’s a little gnome fact.
What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
Why cant a dwarf be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
What do you call a gnome priest?
A compact disc.
What did the witness say at the gnome trial? In my gnome words here’s what happened.
Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.
Why did the gnome take the subway to work?
Because a metro-gnome is always on time.
They aren’t gnome for their humor.
Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?
Six out of seven dwarfs aren’t Happy.
What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.
Beware, gnomish merchants, they tend to shortchange people.
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
Did you hear about the gnome city that doesn’t let humans through the gates? They call it Gno-man’s-land.
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!