What do you call a gnome priest?
A compact disc.
What do you call a psychic gnome who escaped from prison?
A small, medium at large!
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
What do spiritual gnomes say when doing yoga? Gnom-aste.
Go big or go gnome.
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
Did you hear about the gnome rogue?
Of course not, that g is silent!
What do you get if you cross a gnome and a tauren?
A mini-taur.
Why cant a dwarf be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
Why was the gnome just standing over his lawnmower and crying?
Because he hit a rough patch.
Why did the gnome take the subway to work?
Because a metro-gnome is always on time.
Just hangin' with my gnomies.
Did you know garden gnomes wear little red hats?
It’s a little gnome fact.
The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus or earth dweller.
In other words, it's a misgnomer.
Did you hear about the one-legged gnome?
He’s one foot tall.
Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.
Did you hear about the gnome city that doesn’t let humans through the gates? They call it Gno-man’s-land.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gnome.
Gnome who?
Gnome sweet gnome.
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
Too bad, if only I’d gnome!
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
Why are gnomes friends with dolls?
They like to share clothes.
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.
What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, creature, are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "I guess I'm a gnome."
What did the witness say at the gnome trial? In my gnome words here’s what happened.
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!
What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.
Did you hear about the troupe of gnome dancers that robbed half the city blind?
They had a good run, but the jig is up.