What happens to elves who misbehave?
They get the sack.
Why did the elf use a duck to wake him on Christmas morning?
So he could be up at the quack of dawn!
Where do elves go to get famous?
Holly-wood.
Elves usually make fantastic listeners since they happen to be all ears.
We've all heard about elf on a shelf, but have you ever heard of troll on a poll?
Who did all this shopping? Me, my elf, and I!
What kind of money do elves always use?
Jingle bills!
Why do Santa’s helpers go to therapy?
To help their elf esteem.
What kind of music do elves listen to?
Wrap music.
"Don’t be elfish," said momma elf to her son. "Share with your sister."
Why did the dyslexic elf get fired?
He kept writing "From Satan" on children's New Year presents.
Why did Santa stop smoking a pipe?
It was bad for his elf!
What do elves eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes!
What language do they teach at Elf School?
North Polish!
What’s the self-care mantra of elves after the holiday season ends?
“Treat yo’elf.”
Did you hear about the elf that quit Santa's workshop?
He was a rebel without a Claus.
Did you hear about the Elf booted from the chorus?
He couldn't Fa-la-la-la-long.
"Santa’s pretty stelfy going down the chimney, don’t you think?" said one elf to another.
Why shouldn't you feed elves shellfish?
It makes them crabby!
What do they call a wild elf in Texas?
Gnome on the range!
What does Santa use after trimming his beard?
Elftershave.
What kind of money do elves use?
Cold cash!
What did the mama elf say to her mischievous child?
“Stop elvesdropping on Santa!”
What kind of sandwich does Kissy the Elf like for lunch?
A wrap!
Did you hear about the elf who was a little hard of hearing?
She had to keep saying "Sleigh, what?"
What do you call an elf who hasn’t had a date in two years or more?
Elf on the shelf.
Where does an elf family stay when on vacation?
At a Ho-ho-ho-tel!
Did you hear about the new holistic elf doctor?
He's a gnome-opath!
Why are elves so cold at Christmas?
Because it's in Decembrrrrr.
How do Santa’s elves go to different floors in the North Pole toy workshop? They use the elf-avator!
When the elves are clapping for their boss, we call it Santapplause.
Knock knock
Who's there?
Elf
Elf who?
Elf me wrap this present!
What happens if an elf catches you being naughty?
Yule be sorry!
What did the elf tell its friends when they were traveling?
"Let’s take an elfie."
If an elf can’t do something right now, how do they handle it?
Shelf it for later.
How do elves stay so skinny?
Elfy eating!
What is an elf’s favorite band?
The Pixies.
What kind of motorbike do elves ride to work?
A Holly Davidson!
Why did some of the elves spell Christmas as N-O-E? Because Santa said No L!
What goes inside elves’ pointy shoes?
Their mistletoes.
How many elves does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten! One to change the light bulb and nine to stand on each other's shoulders!
What do you call an elf who won’t share?
Elfish.
What kind of bread do elves use to make sandwiches?
Why shortbread of course!
What do you call an elf who steals Christmas present wrapping from the wealthy and gives it to the poor?
Ribbon Hood.
What kind of elf lives in a soda can?
A Sprite!
What would you call an elf with lots of money?
W-elfy!
Where do elves vote?
The North Poll.
What do elves learn when they go to school?
The elf-abet.
An overworked elf walks into a bar the day before Christmas and orders a beer. "Hey look, everyone! It's an elf!" the bartender exclaims. "I'm sorry, but that phrase is now insensitive and politically incorrect," the elf says. "We prefer to be called subordinate clauses."
What do elves use in the kitchen when they are cooking?
Kitchen u-tinsels!