For my girlfriend's birthday I got her a dwarfish clown who told jokes...
It wasn't a great gift, but she appreciated the jester.
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
What did the Teddy Bear say after blowing out his birthday candles? No cake for me…I’m stuffed
Happy birthday to someone old enough to go vintage shopping in their own closet.
I just bought my friend a mini fridge for his birthday
I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
I hope the only things that blow are candles and balloons. Have a great birthday!
Congrats on proving that getting older doesn’t mean getting wiser.
I’m a little confused as to why everyone keeps giving me legos for my birthday.
I don’t know what to make of it.
Why do pieces of popcorn always have great birthdays? Because they’re always popping!
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said ....
You know, one would have been enough.
Behind every great parent is a great kid. Happy birthday!
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
My daughter want's the new iPhone for her birthday. I told her she will get one as long as she has good grades, does her chores, and follows the house rules. Otherwise she will get a cheaper phone, because.
It's my way or the Huawei.
What did the boy without hands get for his birthday?
Nobody knows, he hasn't got the package open yet.
What type of music is scary for birthday balloons? Pop music!
Birthday candles don’t exercise because they burn out too quickly!
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
What is every horses birthday wish?
A stable economy.
You did a grape job raisin me. Happy birthday!
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
I know birthdays get worse as you get older. But look at the bright side — not too many left now.
For my birthday, my friends gave me a bunch of dirt and sand.
I appreciated the sediment.
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
AYE, MATEY!
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
How do pickles celebrate their birthdays? They relish them.
You are one candle closer to starting a house fire.
My girlfriend made me one of those sculpted 3D cakes for my birthday but wouldn't stop reminding me how it took her all day to decorate it..
..which is surprising since to me it looked like a piece of cake.
I don't get why a kid in my son's Pre-K class gave everyone an inflatable sword as a party favor for their birthday.
It's pointless.
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
It was my wife's birthday the other day
I took her to an orchard and we stood there for 20 minutes.
Apparently it wasn't the Apple watch she wanted.
You know you are getting older when the candles don’t fit on the cake.
I don't get why a kid in my son's Pre-K class gave everyone an inflatable sword as a party favor for their birthday.
It's pointless.
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
Be careful, too many birthdays can kill you!
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party?
You can have your cake and eat it too.
This whole birthday thing is getting old, don’t you think?
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
Remember the one about people queuing up for drinks at Old Faithful's birthday party?
You're not missing much; the punch line blows.
Wedding cake tastes just like Birthday cake
It just takes more commitment.
For the record, you’re not old, you’re a classic.
Yo momma so fat...
She can't even fit into her Birthday Suit.
They say everything gets better with age.
Looking 50 is great! If you’re 60.
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
Being related to me is the best birthday gift you could receive.