Why is IKEA the cheapest place to get furniture?
Because they have some Swede deals!
A man started wearing a blanket to the office.
His colleagues began to suspect he was working undercover...
I think a couch can endure many things, but if you take off its cushions, it would make it uncomfortable.
When I heard my sofa had been stolen, I thought “I’m not going to take this sitting down”.
I wanted to buy a book on Albert Einstein's theories but it was on the top shelf...
It's information that's way over my head.
Why does your laptop have a blanket on it?
It's on sleep mode.
Did you hear about the guy who's blanket fell off of him in the hospital?
He never recovered
A student made our teacher so angry, they flipped their desk
Oh, the tables have turned
How is a shoddy furniture manufacturer like a bag of prunes?
They both create loose stools.
What do you call a furniture store that is over 30 miles away?
The Sofa-r store
How do you call an extremely soothing table?
A console
I've come up with a list of the top 10 types of specialized chairs.
Number 3 will shock you
What do you call a blessed blanket?
Holy sheet
Why does a milking chair only have three legs?
The cow has the udder.
I stole two sofas from death, but I wasn’t ready for the reaper cushions.
What did the pillow say when the blanket asked it to come hang out?
I'm down
I was going to buy a new pillow....
but I decided I better sleep on it first
I love my furniture... Me and my recliner go way back.
I stubbed my toe onto a piece of furniture. C-ouch!
Why was the cabinet maker fired on his first day?
He just couldn't get a handle on it.
How do you move a piece of furniture at the weather station?
With four casters.
I said to my doctor, "I usually sit on the computer 12 hours a day...is that bad?"
He replied, "That can't be too comfortable. Try a chair!"
I was going to replace the seats at my bar
But... I just can't look at another stool sample
What did Papa cabinet advise to his Son cabinet before his first date?
"Just be youshelf"
My husband hated my impulse purchase of a revolving chair, but then he sat on it.
Eventually he came around.
How do you get more bounce in a water bed?
Put some spring water in it
Why did the bicycle go to bed early?
Because it was two-tyred
My chair is missing an arm and a leg.
That doesn't sit well with me.
My wife ordered one of those new heavy blankets but delivery took forever...
She says it was worth the weight.
What did the Papa Blanket say to the Mama Blanket when the Baby Blanket was crying?
Comforter.
I had a few doubts about buying a big metal cabinet to store all my valuables.
Turns out... it was a safe purchase.
I put some desks and a whiteboard in my living room today.
It made it look a little more classy.
Which noble man loves sitting at a round table?
Sir Cumference
My wife asked if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start but I made it.
I tried to build myself an armchair, but I messed up some of the measurements and made it too wide.
So near, and yet sofa
What’s Irish and stays outside all year?
Patty O’Furniture
A coworker said, "Oh my gosh there's a mouse on your desk!"
To which, I replied "I know! And it's not working!"
I feel a bit bad for making blanket statements.....
They're my quilty pleasure
My chair finally broke down yesterday.
It just doesn't give a sit anymore.
I'm never sure if I like rocking chairs or not.
I go back and forth on them
What is the biggest type of bed ?
The sea bed.
I'm thinking about buying a weighted blanket.
This is a most heavy decision.
I used to hate the electric blanket.
But the last few nights I’ve been warming up to it.
Have you heard about these new corduroy pillow cases?
They're really making headlines.
All the chairs in my town were stolen
The people can’t stand it.
If you're wondering what to donate to a soup kitchen...
...a dining set would be chair-i-table
What’s the healthiest piece of furniture?
The vege-table
Why did the broom decide to go to bed?
He was getting sweepy
What do you call donating a chair?
Charity!
I think the final paragraph of my essay is on the top shelf...
But I don't want to jump to conclusions.