I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
What do you call a fake pastry?
A prop tart!
What do you call an ironing board that makes your clothes more wrinkly?
An irony board.
What football team do energy providers root for the most? The Chargers”
This morning, my dad told me something that gave me the chills.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
Asked my boy to put the kettle on.
He said, "I don't think it'll fit me"
And the lord said unto John "come forth and you shall have eternal life"
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
Why did the lights go out? Because they liked each other!”
The tea pot sounds so angry!
Nah, its just letting off some steam.
What happens if you put an iPhone in a blender?
You get apple juice.
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
When I don't have time to iron a shirt, I just steel one.
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
What is the difference between lightning and electricity. For electricity, you need to pay, but
lightning kills for free.”
If you think that your phone, laptop, microwave and fridge spying on you is bad
Then you should know that your vaccum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for a while .
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
Did you hear about the abusive flashlight? It was charged with battery.
I went to shop for a toaster. The sailsman showed me all the fancy features.
I said "wow, that's cool!"
And he replied, "Sorry ma'am,it can only warm"
My wife asked me why I was ironing my 4 leaf clover.
I told her I was pressing my luck
Why did the electricity documentary get such mixed reviews?
People weren’t sure how to feel after it’s shocking ending.
What is a jedi electrician’s favorite tool?
His lightsaber.
What do you get if you put kisses in a blender?
A Smoochie.
Where do light bulbs go shopping? The outlet stores.”
What did the lamps do after their date?
They got turned on.
My friend bought a new house, and invited everyone to a party.
My dad asks, "How was the house warming?" And I said, "With the furnace, I suppose."
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
If you plant a light bulb in your garden, does it grow into a power plant?
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you make the vacuum cleaner.
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb?
He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.
Why is wind power popular? Because it has a lot of fans!”
Yesterday I put a $50 note in my freezer.
Now I have some frozen assets.
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
Accidentally spilled frosting all over the freezer.
Going to leave it be though, since the freezer has an auto defrost feature.
I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.
It was a shock to the cistern.
I can't decide whether to grill chicken breasts or chicken thighs...
I guess I'll just wing it
How many museum curators does it take to change a light bulb?
6. 1 changes it and the other 5 preserve, display, and celebrate the old model.
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy? A power play.”
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb? He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.”
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
What do you call a worm that chews up power cords? An electro-maggot.”
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
How many consultants do you need to change a light bulb?
You’ll get an estimate a week from Monday.