Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river?
It was three feet deep on average.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
Why was the math lecture so long?
The professor kept going off on a tangent.
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
Who invented the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
What kind of snake does your math teacher probably own?
A pi-thon.
Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common?
Because they’ll never meet.
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
Did you hear about the mathematician whose afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How come old math teachers never die?
They tend to just lose some of their functions.
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
Why do math teachers love parks so much?
Because of all the natural logs.
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!
Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.