Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve noble gases here."
Helium doesn't react.
Oxygen went on a date with potassium last night.
It went OK.
Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.
What did Avogadro teach his students in math class?
Mole-tiplication
I can eat sugar with either hand, I'm ambidextrose.
What do you get when you have a bunch of moles acting like idiots?
A bunch of mole-asses
What type of fish do two sodium atoms make?
2Na.
What does Avogadro put in his hot chocolate?
Marsh-mole-ows
You know what's cool about chemistry?
Endothermic reactions.
What do you call a cab which provides drug therapy? Chemotaxis.
Books on helium are so hard to put down.
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
Ah! The element of surprise.
Did you check the news? There was a Radon the chemical store.
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
It's getting hard to zinc of new science puns because so many of them argon.
How rich is Avogadro?
He's a multi-mole-ionaire.
What kind of bears dissolve in water?
Polar bears.
The name's Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.
Why was there only one Avogadro?
When they made him, they broke the moled.
An electrolyte and a solvent are talking in jail.
Solvent: What are you in for?
Electrolyte: A salt charge.
Which tooth did Avogadro have pulled?
One of his mole-ars
I am out of chemistry jokes. I should zinc of a new one.
Wanna hear a pun about gold? AU!
What do you do with a sick chemist? You try to helium, and then you try to curium, but if all else fails, you gotta barium.
An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?"
"Sure. That's easy," said one man.
"What is it?"
"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O."
"What, what?" reasked the instructor.
"H to O," explained the chemistry expert.
What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
"HeHe."
How did the blond define hydrophobic on her chemistry exam? Fear of utility bills.
Why did the acid go to the gym?
It wanted to become a buffer solution.
Why does Avogadro like Cindy Crawford?
She's his favorite super-mole-dle (and she has a mole).
What illness kept Avogadro in bed for two months?
Mole-onucleosis
What did one tectonic plate say to the other when they bumped into each other?
Sorry, that was my fault.
What do you call an acid with attitude?
A meano-acid.
What did the generous mole say when people crashed his party?
The mole the merrier
Organic chemistry is really hard.
Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
What are mammoles?
Four-legged ani-moles
What kind of fruit did Avogadro eat in the summer?
Water-mole-ns
If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.
I like looking at a chart of all the chemical elements... periodically.
A chemistry lab is like a big party.
Some drop the acid while others drop the base.
I keep making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
How do you make a hormone? You don't pay her.
What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
CSI.
What kind of test do chemistry students like best?
Mole-tiple choice
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
One molar solution.
When hydrogen got arrested they told him he had one phone call.
He replied: "Call who? I don't have a family!"
Funny chemistry puns always get a good reaction.
What do doctors do to injured elements? They helium.
A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"
The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
Why is it bad to tell mole jokes?
It's mole-itically incorrect.