Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
What do you call a Swedish cycling group?
Viking Biking
What do you call a knight who just wants to fight with an opponent on level grounds? He is called Sir Face!
Where do southern Viking descendants go after death?
Y'allhalla.
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
My girlfriend said if I don't stop my obsession with Viking culture she'll fight me to the death.
"Jokes on you," I said. "If I die in battle, I'll go straight to Valhalla."
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
A teacher asks one of their pupils, "Can you describe Napoleon"s origin?"
The pupil replies, "Course I can." (Corsican)
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
When Napoleon is indecisive, he is torn-apart-e.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
If you need an Ark, I Noah guy.
Why did George Washington have sleeping problems? Because he is unable to lie.
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
Once upon a time, a knight hosted a live improvisational comedy show for everyone in town. It was known as 'Saturday Knight Live'.
Franz Joseph constantly sour about everything because he was always Haydn.
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
What was the Vikings favorite song while invading England ?
Heathen flow by Pearl Jam
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
What stories did Vikings tell their children?
Norsery Rhymes
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
People hated Ho Chi Minh because he was Hanoi-ing.
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you'd get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
Before America was founded, the idea of a democratic nation in the New World was unPresidented.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
Why did Karl Marx dislike Earl Grey tea? Because all proper tea is theft.
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
When the love of his life finally left him, young Fidel cried out in despair, "I didn't think you would embar go my dear one."
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
How do you communicate with the spirit of a Viking warrior?
With a Nor-Ouija board.
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
A viking adds symbols to an axe he has just made ...
" Oh no iv runed it"
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.