Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!