What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.