Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
My sister once took a knight as a dance partner to her high-school party because it was a prom knight.
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
I saw the Liberty Bell.
It's not all it's cracked up to be.
What did a viking said to the other after a dad joke?
Aesir what you did there.
What did Dead Viking say to Voluptuous Valkyrie?
Valhallo there.
The biggest irony in the world's history is that the Russian alphabet has no letters in lowercase. It is all Capitalization.
What do you call a sick Egyptian?
Sir Cough-a-gus
What were middle-aged parents called in medieval times? Middle-aged parents.
Who succeeded the first President of the United States?
The second one.
Roman soldiers are trained.
But Vikings are Bjorn.
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
How does a Viking show the amount of raiding and pillaging that they do at the same time?
They use a Sven Diagram.
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
Vikings joke
Why do West Virginia residences love the Vikings?
They catch theilens from their cousins.
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
If Hamlet was alive now, he would have only worn t-shirts saying 2B or not 2B!
When Napoleon is indecisive, he is torn-apart-e.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
What do you call a happy aviator?
A gladiator
I wouldn't say I liked the documentary that I had watched on the history of WD-40. It was non-friction.
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
When Napoleon died in the explosion, he was blown-apart-e.
What do you call a Viking who's been bitten by a vampire?
Norseferatu.
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
The Second World War was very slow because they were Stalin.
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
If someone else would have invented the airplane, it wouldn't have been Wright.
Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
A man goes into a Chinese restaurant and sees people dressed like vikings
"Excuse me, ladies and gentleman. I am a well traveled man and the atmosphere of my excursions must be perfect. I must kindly ask you to leave."
A big, muscular man dressed in Viking armor walked up to the man and said
"Norway"
What did the Medieval Gynecologist say to his patients?
At your cervix, m'lady
When the Frenchman asked for a book on warfare on Battle of Waterloo from his librarian, she said, "You're just going to lose it."
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
My least favorite teacher in the school is the History teacher. Whenever she takes a class on Ancient History, she tends to Babylon.
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.