Phil told me about what lights up a light bulb.
But I didn’t know what Phil-a-meant.
What do you call a kangaroo who watches too much TV?
A pouch potato.
How did the charger get rich?
He made a killing in the shock market.
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
At what point will you love to change your bulbs the most?
When sparks fly.
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
What do mushrooms watch on TV?
Spores.
My favorite crime TV show has a duck as the main character.
He always quacks the case.
What do you call the art of Freezer meditation?
Fro-zen!
My friend asked me why I was wearing a lamp shade over my face.
I replied, "I am feeling light headed."
Why did the man eat the light bulb? He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.”
My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp.
I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again
I replaced all the air vents in my house with smaller ones.
It was a reduction.
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
I destroyed all the air conditioners at work and escaped.
Police are now charging me with a 'heat and run' incident.
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They use CFLs!
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
Why does a microwave hum?
Because it doesn't know the words
And the lord said unto John "come forth and you shall have eternal life"
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
What is a plug’s favorite chant at a sporting event?
CHARGE!!
Our landlord knocked on our door today and said that if we didn't pay rent, they'd turn off the heater tomorrow.
It was our last warming.
My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator.
It's not cool man.
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
Why do quitters do all the laundry?
They always throw in the towel!
You’re a unit of electrical energy, Harry.” I’m a watt?”
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
Asked my boy to put the kettle on.
He said, "I don't think it'll fit me"
If you hit your head on a coffeemaker
Would it leave a brews?
After buying grocers, I sat on the San Francisco pier and pondered life. My laundry detergent tipped over...
Now I’m sittin on the dock of a bay, watching my Tide roll away.
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
As a refrigerator technician, after a hard day on the job, I like to relax...
And chill out.
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
I bought you a refrigirator.
I can't wait to see your face light up as you open it.
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity? It’s natural.”
Did you hear what the foolish gardener did?
The guy planted a light bulb and though he’d get a power plant.
I started making lamps in the shape of the alphabet.
After the first three, it was a D-light.
What is the most desirable kitchen appliance?
A hot plate.
My Microwave is a Liar. On the front it says "30-60 Seconds for a Hot Dog."
I keep running that thing for minutes on end but I never get a Hot Dog to come out.
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions?
I haven’t seen you in light years.
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
How do you keep food warm in the refrigerator?
Keep it in the corner, because it is 90 degrees.
What happens if you put an iPhone in a blender?
You get apple juice.