How do you make an Octopus laugh?
With tentacles!
I got an email today saying I could win $10,000 in a fishing competition.
But I'm sure there's a catch involved somewhere.
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a fish?
Swimming trunks!
Why did the fish blush?
Because it saw the ocean's bottom.
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
Why couldn’t the clownfish buy a house?
The fish could not buy a house because he didn’t have an-e-mon-e!
What kind of horse can swim underwater without coming up for air?
A seahorse.
Why do fish swim in schools?
Because they can't walk.
How do you circumcise a whale?
You send down four skin divers.
Where do fish save their money?
In the river bank.
What are the fastest fish in the river? The motor-pike with a side-carp!
Why did the sailor throw a penny into the whale’s mouth?
The sailor thought he was was a wishing whale!
What fish only swims at night?
A starfish.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fishually impaired.
Jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains.
This gives me hope for the next generation.
What did one fish say to the other?
If you keep your mouth closed you will not get caught.
How to fish like to eat cereal?
In a fish bowl!
How do fish go into business?
The start on a small scale.
What do fish use to weigh themselves?
Scales!
What does the Pope eat during Lent?
Holy mackerel.
How do shellfish get to the hospital?
In a clambulance!
There was a fight at the fish restaurant last night.
Two haddock got battered.
What is the funniest fish in the sea?
A clownfish.
Do you know where you take a sick squid?
To the doctopus.
Where do fish go to watch movies?
At the dive-in.
What kind of fish do you find in a bird cage?
A perch!
Why is it easy to spot a Cinderella-fish? They have glass flippers!
Why are goldfish orange?
The water makes them rusty.
What fish are at the zoo?
Lion fish!
What do fish take to stay healthy?
Fish take Vitamin Sea to stay healthy!
What is the most expensive kind of fish?
The goldfish.
How do you find out how heavy a whale is?
Take them to a whale-weigh station.
Which murderer kills at the bottom of the ocean?
Jack the Kipper.
What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
‘I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand!’
Why don’t fish play basketball?
Because they're afraid of the net.
Did you hear about the crab who went to a seafood disco?
He pulled a mussel.
What fish perform at the circus?
Clown fish!
Which sea creatures cry the most?
Whales!
Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
The prawn broker.
Would you rather kiss a shark or a jellyfish?
A jellyfish. That’s a no-brainer.
Which fish can perform operations?
A Sturgeon.
How do you make a goldfish old?
Take away the “G”!
What do you call two octopuses that look alike?
I-tentacle twins!
What part of a fish weighs the most?
The scales.
Are Jellyfish sad that there are no Peanut Butter fish?
What do you get if you cross a whale with an elephant?
A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
What did the fish say when it swam into a brick wall?
Dam!
What is a dolphin’s favorite TV show? Whale of fortune.
How do fish get high?
Seaweed.
Why are mice afraid of the water?
Because of catfish.