What is a dog’s favorite hobby?
Collecting fleas.
I painted my dog’s nails So he can look paw-ty.
What do dogs say when something cool happens?
Paw-some.
What do dogs and Santa have in common?
They are both seen Dachshund through the snow.
Why do dogs run in circles?
Because it’s hard to run in a square.
I love walking my neighbor’s dog. It’s the leashed I can do.
What did the cowboy say when his dog ran away?
Now wait just a doggone minute.
My dog needed date ideas.
I told him to whine and dine her.
How do Japanese chihuahuas say hello?
Konnichihuahua.
He’s not a bad dog.
He’s just a little ruff around the edges.
What is worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis.
What do you call someone who always takes pictures of their dog?
A pup-arazzi.
Where should you never take your dogs shopping?
The flea market.
Sorry we missed puppy class.
My dog was wagging. There goes his oppawtunity for pawfect attendance…
What type of dog would be the best at portraying Tina Turner?
An Angela Bassett Hound.
The hotel said NO DOGS ALLOWED.
I guess it was a little too paw-sh.
My dog went on his first date.
But she was a mal-TEASE.
What does a dog love to eat while watching a movie?
Pupcorn.
How do fleas get from place to place?
By itch-hiking.
What do you call a large dog that meditates?
Aware wolf.
What is the poshest breed of dog?
A Cavalier King Charles Spaniel.
Where do dogs go after the their tails fall off?
The re-tail store.
Why was the skeleton afraid of the dog?
Because dogs love bones.
What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?
That was ruff.
Why wasn’t the dog a smooth talker?
Because he couldn’t stop saying “ruff ruff”.
What do you call a sad pup?
A mellon collie
My dog loves poetry.
Especially William Shakes-paw.
What was the puppy's costume for Halloween?
The Big Bad Woof.
What did the Golden Retriever say to the beautiful poodle?
You’re looking very fetching.
Why are Dalmatians so bad at hiding?
Because they are always spotted.
What do dogs have that no other animal has?
Puppies.
What do you get when you cross a dog and a frog?
A Croaker Spaniel.
My dog has expensive taste in shoes.
So I got her some Jimmy Chews.
How do you know when your dog is lazy?
When it chases parked cars.
What type of dog is best at timekeeping?
A watch dog.
What makes more noise than a dog barking outside your window?
Two dogs barking outside your window.
What’s a dog’s favorite condiment?
Fetch-up.
My dog is very poor.
He can’t afford a “woof” over his head.
Why did the dog walk in to the saloon?
He was looking for the man who shot his paw
Why did the dog go to the bank?
To make a de-paws-it. But unfortunately, there was a mastiff line.
What dog does Dracula own?
A blood-hound.
What is a dog’s favorite brand of whiskey?
Jack Spaniels.
What is a dog’s favorite type of homework?
A lab report.
What’s a dog’s favorite breakfast?
Woofles.
When is the best time to paint a dog?
When they're asleep.
What does a dog get when she finishes obedience school?
Her pet-degree.
What is a dog’s favorite book?
Harry Paw-ter and the Sorcerer’s Bone.
What do you call a dog that’s been left outside in the cold?
A chili dog.
What do you call a dog from the Wild West?
Clint Eastwoof.
Whenever I go to a zoo, I only ever see dogs.
They were Shiht-zus.