Why didn’t the teddy bear eat his lunch?
Because he was stuffed.
Where do the teenaged polar bears go to dance?
To the snow-ball.
How can a bear catch fish without a pole?
They use their bear hands.
What do you call a bear with no arms and no legs?
An ambulance. This is no time for jokes.
What do you call a cemetery for bears?
Bearial grounds.
A bear walks into a bear and says, “I’ll have a pint of lager……….. and a packet of crisps.”
The bartender says, “Sure, but what’s with the big pause?”
The bear replies, “I dunno, I was born with them!”
Why do grizzlies never look sad?
Because whenever there’s a problem, they just grin and bear it.
I’ll think of another pun soon…
Just bear with me.
What do you call bears with no ears?
B.
What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig?
A teddy boar.
Why don’t bears eat fast food?
Because it’s hard for them to catch.
What do you call a bear without any teeth?
A gummy bear.
What do you call a grizzly bear who gets caught in the rain?
A drizzly bear.
What do grizzlies use in the shower?
Bear conditioner.
What kind of car does Yogi bear drive?
A Furrari.
How did the grizzly walk in the snow?
Bear footed.
How does a bear get from one place to another?
On a bear-o-plane.
What kind of car do bears drive?
Fur-aris.
Why is it cheap to feed polar bears?
Because they live on ice only.
What is a polar bear’s favorite food?
Iceberg lettuce and snow peas.
What is a polar bear’s favorite snack?
Brrrrrittos.
Why wouldn’t the papa bear use a navigation system in his truck?
Because he never lost his bearings.
Where do polar bears keep their money?
In a snow bank.
Have you ever had a dream about a bear eating you?
I call them bite-mares.
What would bears be without bees?
Ears.
What color socks do bears wear?
They don’t wear socks, they have bear feet.
How can you tell when a polar bear is moving?
There’s a “fur sale” sign in the yard.
Why do bears have sticky fur?
Because they use honey combs.
What cheese do you use to get a bear out of a tree?
Camembert.
Why did the sloth get fired from his job?
He would only do the bear minimum.
Why didn’t the baby leave his momma?
Because he couldn’t bear it!
Which animal can hibernate while standing on its head?
Yoga Bear.
What do you call two polar bears jerking each other off?
Bipolar.
Why did the bear dissolve in water?
It was polar.
What is a bear’s favorite drink?
Koka-Koala.
What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp?
A bear-faced lyre.
What is a bear’s favorite dessert?
Blue beary pie.
What does Pooh Bear call his girl friend?
Hunny.
What is a bear’s favorite soda?
Coca Koala.
Why do bears have fur coats?
Because they look silly wearing jackets.
How does a bear stop a movie?
They hit the paws button.
Why did God create Yogi bear?
Because on his first try he made a Boo-Boo.
What do you call a bear who practices dentistry?
A molar bear.
What do you call a Mexican bear with a rubber toe?
Robearto.
What is a polar bear’s favorite cereal?
Ice Crispies.
What do polar bears have for lunch?
Ice burgers.
Did you hear about the guy who got killed by a bear?
It was a grizzly death.
Why did the two bears break up at the North Pole?
They were polar opposites.
What do you get if you cross a skunk with a bear?
Winnie the PU!
What do you call a bear with a bad attitude?
The bearer of bad news.