Did you hear about the snake who wrote a love letter to his girlfriend?
He sealed it with a hiss.
What do you do if you find a black mamba in your toilet?
Wait until he’s finished.
Who is a snake’s favorite author?
William Snakespeare.
What does an exhibitionist snake wear to the beach?
A pythong.
What do snakes use to clean their car windows?
Windscreen vipers.
What do you get when you cross a snake and a plane?
A Boeing constrictor.
What do you get if you cross two snakes with a magic spell?
Addercadabra and abradacobra.
What do snakes do when they get angry?
They throw hissy fits.
What do you call an important English snake?
Sir Pent.
Why should you never throw a snake like a boomerang?
Because it’ll come back to bite you.
Why do snakes always measure in inches?
Because they don’t have any feet.
What is a snake’s favorite dance?
The Mamba.
What do you call a funny snake?
Hissssssterical.
What do you call luggage made of snakeskin?
Ex-hiss baggage.
Who is a snake’s favorite actor?
Humphrey Boa-gart.
What do you get if you cross a new born snake with a basketball?
A bouncing baby boa.
What do you use to get paint off a snake?
Serpentine.
What did the snake give to his wife?
A goodnight hiss.
What do you call a snake that is trying to become a bird?
A feather boa.
What is a snake’s favorite subject in school?
Hisstory.
I invented a device that can stop a snake in its tracks.
It's made of asphalt.
What do you get if you cross a trumpet and a serpent?
A snake in the brass.
Why are snakes hard to fool?
They have no legs to pull.
A woman tried to order an exotic snake online, but was surprised to find that when the package arrived, it contained only feathered scarves.
What do you give a sick snake?
Asp-rin.
Which are the best mathematicians amongst the snake family?
The adders.