Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
Which type of nut goes to outer space?
An astro-nut
What happened to the man who turned into a pistachio?
He became a shell of who he once was.
What do you call a nut who works hard? One who burns the mid-nut oil.
What is a cowboy’s favorite tree?
A horse chestnut tree.
What nut is always begging for attention?
Pssst-tachios.
What do you call a nut that is crazy about exercise? A health nut.
Two peanuts were walking down the road but only one was attacked. They suspect the reason was the other was unsalted.
What did the health-nut say to himself at the gym? “No pine, no gain”
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
No thanks, I prefer walnuts.
Why doesn’t the squirrel accept cash or credit at his store? Because it only accepts cash.
What do you call a walnut in a narwal costume? A nar-walnut.
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
Why couldn’t the peanut finish the project?
Work came to a grinding halt.
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew its check.
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
What do you call a magician nut?
“An individual who is able to turn into a nut.”
Walnuts are hard to crack open. It can take several mi-nuts.
To the person who has been eating all of my mixed nuts.
I'm going to cashew.
Why did a can of nuts win the part in the Christmas pageant? Because they were the best nut-tavity actors.
A motivated nut is a pecan. Because pe-can do anything.
What did the peanut say right before taking an exam? “I walnut fail!”
I had one nutty nightmare last night, it gave me a kola sweat.
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it ala-mond.
What do squirrels eat at the fair?
A-corn dog.
What sandwich spread makes people itch?
Flea-nut butter.
What do you call a pine-nut in an apple costume? A pine-apple.
The police have been interrogating the walnut for several mi-nuts now. It’s a tough nut to crack!
Where’s the best place to find out information about pistachios?
The inter-nut.
What do squirrels watch on TV?
Nut-flix.
What did the nut husband tell his wife? “Nut-ing lasts forever, except my love for you!”
The pecan is ready to come out of its’ shell and see the world.
Have you heard of the new squirrel diet?
“It’s just nuts.”
The walnut was not good at sports but did really well with his macadamia at school.
What do you call a nut with a hairy upper lip?
A mustach-io
Which nut has won the World Cup the most times?
A Brazil nut.
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
What did the nut say to his girlfriend at the pine-ic? “I am nuts about you, cashew see!”
Not every legume can be a nut.
But a pea can.
Why was the peanut butter upset at his retirement party?
He was roasted.
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?
"Cashew."
What is a walnut’s favorite Christmas play? The Nutcracker.
What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
The nut stayed c-almond and collected during the earthquake.
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
The walnut got in trouble for pecan through the window.
I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder nut milk.
What nut is broken?
“A silly nut”
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Butter.
Butter who?
I butter nut tell you.