I think I drank some expired milk. I just have a gut feeling.
Did you hear about the cow that committed murder? It was in cow-ld blood! How dairy.
Basketball players always drop cookies into their milk.
That way, it's a slam dunk.
How do you milk sheep ?
Release another iPhone.
I waited over an hour for my cappuccino and when it arrived there was too much milk and not enough coffee. Still, better latte than never.
Did you hear about the CEO that got fired at the dairy farm? He was skimming a little bit off the top.
Astronauts can't open milk bottles in space. 'In space, no one can. Here, use cream'.
Did you know that milk is a very religious beverage? Most of them are pastor-ized.
I'm worried that the milk I got this morning was from a cloned cow. It tasted exactly like the milk I had yesterday.
No one laughed at my milk jokes. They said they were too cheesy.
I bought a really small cow last week. I really wanted to try condensed milk.
I'm not saying you're old, but if you were milk I'd sniff you first.
Have you heard about the movie that involved haunted dairy items? I believe it is called Paranormal Activia.
Which religious figure does dairy products worship? Cheese-us!
Where did the milk write everything about her life? In her dairy.
Dad: How does a farmer keep his cows in line?
Kids: How?
Dad: He keeps them a-cow-ntable!
What did the cow say to his friend when they met twice in the same day? “What a cow-incidence!”
Why could I not imagine to have milk in the afternoon? Because it was beyond my wildest creams.
What kind of milk do people drink in Mexico? Soy milk.
I sent my cows to bed at 8pm last night. I told them 'it's pasteur bedtime'.
I tried wild ox milk
Turns out I'm yak-tose intolerant
Where do they make all the decisions on a dairy farm? At the city cow-ncil.
The thing about milk-inspired puns is you only reach 2% of their potential.
Why does a cow hate artificial milk? Because the substance is pow-dairy.
You have two cows, but only milk one. Your friend asks you…
"What about the udder one?"
The doctor advised I tried a milk bath. I asked if it needs to be pasteurized. No, just above the knees she replied.
Why can’t people without feet have dairy products? They lactose.
My milk found all these jokes to be pretty fun. He said they were a-moo-sing!
What did the farmer yell out when ducks invaded his dairy farm? Cheese and crackers!
What does a cow say to milk? I am your mother.
What do dairy products say when they make a basketball shot? Colby!
I can't drink milk. I lactose genes required to digest it.
What’s a milk’s favorite fruit? Cow-conuts.
You should never give milk to someone who is open minded and hasn't yet had breakfast. They're lack-toast and tolerant.
Dad: Did you hear about the cow that was arrested?
Kids: No.
Dad: He was uddermining the authorities.
What do you call a cow that only produces almond milk? One that went nuts.
What do you call fraudulent milk? Cow-nterfeit.
Milk is the fastest drink on the planet. It's pasteurized before you even see it.
What do you call yogurt that is terrified of other dairy products? A cow-ard!
My pet cow thinks she produces almond milk. She must be nuts.
I tried out a lactose free diet. I stopped because I couldn’t figure out how to milk the almonds.
Why did the police arrest the milk after it was poured into a bowl of Fruit Loops? They witnessed him drown them. They knew he must be a cereal killer!
Why don’t cows drink artificial milk? It’s too pow-dairy.
Do you know the hardest part about making skimmed milk? Having to throw the cows across the lake.
What would you call a dairy product that is horrible? “Udder bullshit.”
What would you call someone who cheats others while selling milk? A skim artist.
My cows are super confusing. I can’t milk heads or tails of them.
Why is milk taller than you?
Because it's always pasteurize
I went into the library and asked for pint of milk. The librarian said 'this is a library'. So i whispered 'I'd like a pint of milk please'.
There was a stampede out on the dairy farm. It was udder chaos.