"Read between the wines."
Why have less scato when you can have mo’ scato?
"Another glass? Wine not?!"
Did you hear about the little grape who didn’t want to be made into wine?
Unfortunately, he was pressed into service!
"My day just went from super to sip-erb, real quick."
"Wine a little, laugh a lot."
"Stop and smell the rosé."
My doctor said I need to change my diet. He said I should eat more more caviar and drink more champagne. So, I said, "That's insane! What kind of a diet is that?" He replied, "It's called a High Fluten Diet."
"Here for the right riesling."
"Chardonnay or should I go?"
"I'm not a wino. I'm a wineYES!"
Why do wine lovers guzzle down vine humor?
Because wine jokes are a barrel of laughs.
Did you hear about the crime family that took over the wine importing business?
They call themselves the Sip-ranos!
What type of wine is notorious for making you drowsy?
Sauvign-yawn blanc!
What kind of wine do traffic cops like best?
Fine wine!
Like a pro wrestler in a headlock, I’m indulging in a little Sham pain.
"Partners in wine."
Do librarians like white wine?
No, they like theirs well red!
Where does wine catch up on all the vineyard dirt?
Through the grapevine.
"Be kind, re-wine."
"Adulting makes me wine."
Which mammal absolutely loves Merlot and Cabernet?
The Wineoceros.
"Great minds drink alike."
"Is that a yay or cabernet?"
"I mead more wine."
You’re wine in a million.
"Giving you more reasons to wine."
Happy Hour is at wine o’ clock
"Everything happens for a riesling, right?"
What happened when a clumsy sommelier tried to decant a bottle of fine wine?
Things went pour-ably wrong.
"Alcohol you later."
Oh no! My wine glass is empty. Somebody call Wine-One-One!
"Rosé all day."
Gluten-free, dairy-free, fat-free – I love this new Champagne Diet!
Why have a mer little when you can have a merlot?
"Sip, sip hooray."
What do sailors drink when they gather at a tavern to commiserate?
Port whine!
"You had me at merlot."
"Say you'll be wine."
Wine puns. They're always in pour taste.
Wino Woe: Forgive me, for I have zinned!
"I need to re-wine my life."
Why did Wonder Woman rescue the Wine?
Because that's what grape lady superheroes do!
"Back that glass up."
Some people like beer goggles. I prefer wine glasses.
Fine Wine Pick-Up Line: Hey babe, what are you doing this fall? 'Cause I'd like to make you part of the season's harvest.
"No wine left behind."
There’s a hair in my wine. The grapes must have been fur-mented.
My wife hates it when I mess with her red wine. I added fruit and orange juice, and now she sangria than ever!
How can you tell a wine taster is a newbie?
By the blanc look on her face.