I lost one pea from my plate at dinner the other day. It was an escape-pea.
What’s the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?
Anyone can mash potatoes.
My dad tried to put peas into an orange once. It didn't appeal to me.
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
What do you find when you swallow peas whole?
Inner peas
Q: Why were the two green pea plants so close?
A: They had deep roots.
The difference between popcorn and pea soup, is that you can pop corn, but you can't pea soup.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anybody can roast beef!
I made a pie with a can of peas in. Pea-can pie. It didn't taste how I imagined.
What do you call two peas in a pod?
Peepee
My wife won't let me become a bean farmer. Why won't she just let me work in peas!
Hundreds of chickpeas were found dead the other day. The police say it's a hummuside.
Q: What do you call two peas in a pod?
A: Peepee.
My mum made a chocolate bar out of peas. I asked if she could snap a peas off for me.
Did you hear about the audio drama about peas?
It’s a pod-cast
I sat on some peas in the car. It was a bumpea ride.
Q: What do vegetables wish for, more than anything else in the whole world?
A: Peas on earth!
Some peas rolled off my plate, and one went far further than the rest. He was the cham-pea-on.
What do you get with surprise peas?
Wet legs
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
I know a pea that's a famous singer. He's a VIP.
My mum makes peas for every meal. I'm sick of her reci-peas.
Q: Did you hear about the pea that changed careers?
A: He went into a different field!
What did the pea dad say after a tiring day at work? "I'm desperate for some peas of mind."
"I'll be right back, I need to go for a pea," said the fruit during the interval.
You make me hap-pea, we're like two peas in a pod.
Vegetarians can't eat anything with beans in. They don't eat food with a pulse.
I told my dad I wanted world peace. He said whirled peas sounded horrible.
Peas excuse how bad this pun is.
"Can I get some peas and quiet?!" shouted the pea dad angrily.
What's the motto of vegetables? Don't worry, pea happy.
I found my son sleeping in a pile of peas. May he rest in peas.
Lots of peas work as spies. Espea-onage is very common.
I gave my toddler peas for the first time. He wasn't very hap-pea.
What do you call chick peas in a cavern?
Humus Sapiens
If you throw your peas in the sky you get air pods.
I went to an English camping party with some vegetables. We stayed in a tea-pea.
Q: Why did peas jump out of an airplane?
A: They wanted to be air pods.
To catch a polar bear you surround a hole in the ice with peas
Then, when he goes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole.
Did you hear about the pea pod that became damaged?
It had to wear a pod cast.
What's the difference between black eyed peas and chickpeas?
Black eyed peas can sing a tune, chickpeas can only hummus one.
Tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.
My 4 year old said “mummy, you’ve pee’d on the floor”
Needless to say I was in stitches.
If you're in a food fight, always throw peas. We need to give peas a chance.
My sister's trying to get famous. She'll never make it, she's just a wanna-pea.
I hate lentils but I love peas. They're more ap-peas-ing to my pealate.
I used to hate peas. I like them now, I just make sure I think of them as 'o's.'
We're like three peas in a pod, but lately I feel left out. It's making me quite unhap-pea.
Q: Why is a carrot orange and pointy?
A: Because if it was green and round, it would be a pea!
Q: Why did the pea sell his car?
A: The back seat didn’t have enough legume.
There was an announcement on the news the other day, we've finally achieved world peas.