Why did the elephant cross the road?
To get to the peanut.
The farmer went nuts because he was told it’s more profitable that way compared to other crops.
I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallow, and nuts.
I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
What do you call a nut who works hard? One who burns the mid-nut oil.
What nut is always begging for attention?
Pssst-tachios.
How do you sum up a cashew?
In a nutshell.
A friend asked what an acorn is. I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
What nut is broken?
“A silly nut”
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
Which type of nut goes to outer space?
An astro-nut
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
ALDI grocery stores have announced their new store brand peanuts.
ALDI’s nuts.
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it ala-mond.
Mr. and Mrs. Peanut finally got married and tied the nut.
What’s a Biblical happening for nuts?
“The nut-tivity.“
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew its check.
What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
Why was the backstroke done by the squirrel?
“The squirrel preferred to maintain his nuts dry.”
Why are acorns bad at telling jokes? Because they tend to be acorn-y.
Why did the squirrel ask for a pay raise?
He was paid peanuts.
The walnut was not good at sports but did really well with his macadamia at school.
What is a squirrel’s favorite drink? A Peanut-Kola-da.
A motivated nut is a pecan. Because pe-can do anything.
What did the peanut say right before taking an exam? “I walnut fail!”
What did the kid nut say to the other when playing tag? “I’m going to cashew”.
What is the most popular valentine among nuts? The one that says “I’m nuts for you.”
What eats nuts and bolts?
A squirrel that’s running late.
What is a walnut’s favorite Christmas play? The Nutcracker.
To the person who has been eating all of my mixed nuts.
I'm going to cashew.
What do you call a walnut in a narwal costume? A nar-walnut.
Do you know why it’s called almond milk?
Because nobody would buy it if it was called nut juice.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Walnut.
Walnut who?
I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
What sandwich spread makes people itch?
Flea-nut butter.
Many people have puns, but they will nut tella you.
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
What did the nut say when it caught on fire? Roast-nuts, almond fire!
Why didn’t the pecan go to the ballet?
It was afraid of the nutcracker.
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
What competition do nuts participate in?
The peanut butter cup.
The squirrel’s chest got dirty with nuts, now it has a chest-nut.
What is the angriest nut?
Pissed-aschios
What do you call a nut who loves the game of chess?
A chess-nut.
What is the best type of nut for your home wall decor? A walnut.
Where do the best kola nuts come from? Kolafornia.
When the peanut eating diet patient gained weight he went to his doctor to complain. The doctor asked him what he had been eating. The patient said he was eating what his doctor recommended, a nut-rious diet.
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
I used to work at a nut farm
The work conditions were great but the salary was peanuts
The students were going nuts when they saw all the assignments due in the curri-kola-m.
Not every legume can be a nut.
But a pea can.
Why did the peanut take everything off its wall? It didn’t want any walnuts.