What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.