Did you hear about the fumbled exorcism? The guy retained possession!
Why is Cinderella bad at football?
Because she’s always running away from the ball.
[Beer] This is my number one draft pick.
I made a snap decision to watch football today
Why was McGruff the Crime Dog ejected from the football game?
He was called for unnecessary gruffness!
Why did the football referee have trouble measuring the first down?
Someone was yanking his chain!
[Drink] That’s a thirst down!
I’ve never lost a game of football basketball or volleyball!
Though I’ve never played a game either.
Having a ball this weekend with my best friends
A goal new ball game I he a kick outta you
What do you call a horse that is good at football?
Neighhhhh-mar.
What kind of insect is bad at football?
A fumble-bee.
Do you know why an octopus is so good at Football?
It gets ten tackles a play.
Why did the uncouth spud not stop talking during the football game?
Because he was a common-tater.
What do Walter Payton and Luke Skywalker have in common?
They both did great with a hand off!
Why can’t a car play football?
Because it only has one boot.
We’ll kickoff the party with some cocktails.
Don’t drop the ball – without you, the party will be incomplete.
[Donuts] We’re going the hole nine yards for this game.
[Chicken] We’re serving this during the game, so you might call it a live ball fowl.
Football is one habit I will never kick
I like your tight end
My football teammate asked me, “On a scale of 1-10, how do you rate our after-victory celebration?”
I gave him a high five.
How do you call football without shoes?
Socker.
Why should you never go back in time to alter the outcome of a football game?
You’ll be called for past interference!
Why couldn't the warden decide whether to allow the prison football team play the professional football team?
The idea had its pros and cons.
Case in punt
My girlfriend told me she's breaking up with me because of my football obsession.
I told her she'll need to wait till the summer window if she wants a free transfer.
All punts are highly intended
Why’s it always hot after a football game?
All the fans left.
A knife tried out for Varsity football.
It didn't make the cut.
Did you hear about the Heisman Trophy candidate who falsified his rushing stats?
The yards were stacked in his favor!
Which is the coolest football team in Italy?
AC Milan.
What do you call it when a football player suffers a career-ending injury in his last game before retirement? Gridirony!
I like big punts and I cannot lie
The goal nine yards
I may not be the biggest football fan, but I love tight ends.
[Chips] This is what I call a chip shot.
Don’t pass on this party – rush on over.
Why don’t quarterbacks share puns at the line of scrimmage?
Because they produce audible groans!
Did I tell you about my new girlfriend who also plays football?
Yeah.. she‘s a keeper
What do you call a giant that's good at football?
Goaliath.
Why was the potato fired from his job at the football stadium?
He was a horrible commentater.
What does a mom of a football fan hate the most?
A messi room.
Did you hear about the football team that drafted a vending machine?
They really needed a quarter back!
Calm before the score
What do you call a Spanish football player with no legs?
Gracias.
What’s the difference between a punter and punster?
A punster gets his kicks with bad puns like these!
Why don't quarterbacks share puns at the line of scrimmage? Because they produce audible groans!
I’m establishing my punning game early today.