It’s amazing how most jars look alike...
The resemblance is uncanny
How do cups get their money?
They mug people.
Got emotional hearing about the role of tectonic plates in earthquakes. It was really moving.
What do you call a cap to a jar that doesn't fit?
An invalid.
What happened to your arm, Greg? And why are you eating that giant bowl of herbs?
"You know what they say, Margaret"
"Thyme heals all wounds".
Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
Local glass blower inhaled whilst working. He ended up with a pane in his stomach.
I met a man with a glass eye this morning...
He didn’t tell me, it just came out in the conversation
They’ve started a collection to open a pool near me. I gave them a glass of water.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
What do you call a very sad cup of coffee?
A depresso.
So I heard this joke about glass
But it clearly shouldn’t have been made
What do you call someone who labels jars of body parts?
An organiser.
What is the national dish of Sweden?
Swedish.
Why was the jar about to explode?
Cause it was jam-packed!
My father quietly retired from his job as an eye glass manufacturer yesterday.
He didn’t want to make a spectacle.
Why did Don Corleone send back the plate for his coffee cup?
Someone gave him a saucer he could not reuse.
I used to be part of a ten pin league. Our team name was 'Bowl Movement'.
I put my root beer in a square glass
Now I just have beer
I was on a flight and I asked for a glass of water. The cabin crew asked “still?” I said “well, I haven’t changed my mind”.
Will glass coffins ever become popular?
This remains to be seen.
The barman in the pub looked over at me said, "Your glass is empty. Fancy another one?" "
Why would I want two empty glasses?" I asked
What the Poland man did, after adding German mugs to his collection?
He polished them.
Cops should feed beans on very tiny plates to the suspects they're interrogating.
That way they're always gonna end up spilling the beans.
Two flies are playing football on a saucer.
They’re practicing for the cup.
What is the dish that likes using the light switch?
StrogONOFF
My biggest problem with having three square meals a day is that all my plates are round.
Why did the police arrest a cup of snow?
For just-ice
What do you call a cat sitting on a platter?
A Platterpuss.
Justice is a dish best served cold
Because otherwise it would be justwater.
Turned down an opportunity to invest in a company making frosted glass balls. Couldn’t see any future in it.
What do you call a glass dinosaur?
Pyrex.
What do you call a stolen jar?
A free mason.
Someone threw a jar of mayo at me
I yelled what the Hellmann?!
Almost dropped a plate of Alphabeti Spaghetti. That could have spelled disaster.
What did the plate say to the refrigerator?
"Stay cool. Dinner's on me"
My son told me he can drink a whole glass a whiskey straight.
Personally, I think it's neat.
I came home and found my wife naked, except for a porcelain mug on each breast.
She said she was a t-cup.
What did the home owner say to the mug shot when he put it up on his wall
"You've been framed!"
My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.
It is an extremely rare dish order.
Instead of a swear jar I have a negativity jar. Everytime I have a pessimistic thought I put a dollar in it.
It's half empty.
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
What side of the mug is the handle on?
The outside.
I was looking forward to eat my rice bowl.
But my brother, like always, ate them. And now he's experiencing really bad headaches.
I guess it's because he has a history of having my-grains.
My car keeps telling me my door is ajar. It's not a jar you idiot it's a door.
I didn't get this "World's Greatest Dad" mug for nothing.
It cost $14.99
You could say I have an hour glass figure
It takes me an hour to figure out where my glasses are!
Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of muesli?
He was dragged down by a currant..
Part of my alphabetised tea set recently got possessed by a demon.
I’m sure it’s saucer ‘E’.
I said to her, are going to eat that whole plate of spaghetti??
She said: no, it's in pasta bowl