One of my kitchen utensils seems to be playing classical music.
Think it’s the Chopin board.
I found a cutlery dispenser that doesn’t work properly
No forks were given.
"This is the last straw!"
I shouted to my wife as I put it in my drink...
What does a straw and a view have in common?
You can get a paper straw and you can also get pay per view.
What did the cutlery maker say when he lost some metal?
Silverware?!
Did you hear about the journalist who became a sterling silver spoon salesman?
He finally found the scoop he was looking for.
If you try to stretch a fork to see if it breaks...
Are you testing its utensil strength?
Did you hear about the spoon? It caused quite a stir!
Who will lead the army of drawing utensils?
The ruler.
I bought a complete set of kitchen utensils off an infomercial. I was frustrated that there was nothing to mix my eggs...
...but to be fair, they did say it was whisk-free offer.
My eating utensils were forged from forged steel, so don't mess with me or I'll fork you up.
I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.
Someone took all my straw
What a Hay-nous act!
How do you call clothings for spoons?
Silverwear
My friend just got 3 kittens named Spoon, Fork, and Knife. When I asked why those names, they smiled and said, "Isn't it obvious?"
"They're catlery"
I heard this pun about a cheese grater the other day...
It was a grate joke.
Why can't you use a wooden spoon in a Teflon pan?
Because its non stick.
I really hate straws.
They suck.
I came to a fork in the road.
I proceeded to pick it up.
I’ve been experimenting with attaching various kitchen utensils to my power drill
I got mixed results.
I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar and now my battery keeps draining.
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
Why were the utensils stuck together?
They were spooning.
My friend has an excellent nose for wine...
It's shaped like a corkscrew!
Which drawing utensil is the fastest?
The e-racer.
My wife got a straw for her drink...
When she sat down, she took a sip, and frustratedly sighed "My straw has a hole in it!"
I replied "I should hope it has two!"
why did the spoon show up dressed as a knife ?
Invitation said to look sharp.
When whisking something, do it with caution.
It’s whisky business.
Why didn’t the cheese want to get sliced?
It had grater plans.
Someone stole my cutlery set, but we were unable to identify the thief
It was stainless steel.
When you lick the icing off a spoon are you defrosting it?
The other day a man tried to mug me with a blunt knife...
It was pointless.
What did the cake say to start the fight with the fork?
You want a piece of me?
What do you call a bad cheese grater?
A cheese lesser.
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:
How very un-ladle-like!
Where do you bury dead cutlery?
In it's final resting plates.
A tuning fork is, essentially, a pitch fork.
How do you call a straw used for drinking orangeade?
Fantastick.
I always remember to eat my soup with a spoon.
It’s un-fork-edible.
What did the plate say to the fork? Lunch is on me.
What do you call a knife that cuts 4 loaves of Irish bread at once?
A four loaf cleaver!
Yesterday, I bought my wife a cheese grater to use on cheddar and parmesan, both of which I hate.
It was the grater of two evils.
My wife wants to start selling kitchenware online.
I just don't see it panning out.
I almost got into a fight with a bendy straw.
When I put it in my drink, it tried to flex on me.
My friend showed me how he keeps his expensive butcher knife sharp.
I thought it was pretty cleaver.
Had to my dinner with just a knife and spoon last night...
It wasn't easy, but that's a fork-gone conclusion.
Cube cheese is good, and slices are fine...
But personally I think shredded is grater.
I'm going around with a bent knife, so that when I'm short on time, I can cut corners.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk.
What's the best type of spoon?
I'll tell you ladle.