What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
All farts...are laughing gas.
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!