What do you call a boat in training?
An apprenticeship.
What did the Bluetooth say as the ship went down?
"Help! We’re syncing!"
A man arrived to a gun fight with nothing other than a pencil and paper.
He then proceeded to draw his weapon.
What caliber is Chekhov's gun?
Catch-22.
Why did Immanuel Kant lend his machine gun to forces plotting a military coup?
Because he willed that his Maxim could make a general rule.
I saw a headline in the newspaper that said someone made a bomb out of nitrous oxide.
This is no laughing matter.
Have you ever been on a party boat?
It’s a Yacht of fun.
Fortune-teller was killed by a car bomb
Couldn’t foresee the C4.
Help!!! There's nobody steering this yacht!!
Don't worry. It's on yachtopilot.
What gun does a military chef use?
A salt rifle.
What did the pilot of the Enola Gay say before dropping the bomb ?
"Let me Atom."
What do you call the first person to kill someone with a gun?
First person shooter
Should a gun company rename themselves "Question"?
That's a loaded Question
Those soldiers thought they could blow up that submarine with their bomb...
but they needed to sea mine.
What do sailors buy to customise the back of their ships?
Aft-ermarket parts!
Octopus: [holding a gun in each hand]
Cat: You're one short buddy.
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
Why do all the boats in Scandinavia have barcodes on the sides of them?
It makes it easier to... scan da navy in.
I’m sure my wife has been putting glue on my weapons collection.
She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns.
Why are big boats called "Yachts"?
Because they cost "Yachts of money".
Did you hear about the boat dock that committed murder?
He’s going to be judged by a jury of its piers.
What do you call a Monkey with a bomb
A baboom.
I knew a guy in jail who would never knife a man in the back or when he was down
He was the very model of shivalry.
A bomb goes of in a cheese shop.
You can see da brie everywhere.
What do you call a big boat full of fish
A carp ark.
What is one way to save money when you go to the lake?
Buy a “sale boat.”
Never criticize a gun owner until you've walked a mile in his shoes
That way he'll be barefoot and you'll be out of range.
What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife? A heartless killer.
What is a popular videogame for young utensils?
Fork Knife.
If Kim Jong-un had a private yacht, it would be a dictator ship
Why did all the passengers on the right side of the ship have dead cell phones?
They weren’t on the port side of the ship.
Fork: "Who was that ladle I saw you with last night?"
Spoon: "That was no ladle. That was my knife."
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.
Apparently, it was a Dyson.
I went to test my new gun at the range, but couldn’t make it work.
Now I have to read the trouble shooting section of the manual.
My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun, but I’m not impressed.
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
My boat is starting to sink, I'm going to sell it.
See my boat listing in the paper.
I love driving my car, makes me feel like I'm charge of a big boat
especially when it's on cruise control
A man struggled to cut up his dinner. His wife asked, “what’s wrong, hunny?” The man sighed, and said:
“This knife just isn’t gonna cut it.”
What do you call an imaginary yacht?
A dream boat.
What do you call a sheep with a machine gun?
Lambo.
I wanted to tell a knife joke to my friend
But it just won't cut it.
I don’t believe in boats
I have yacht to see one.
What sound did the gun make when the priest shot through two benches to kill a mass shooter?
PEW PEW
Why did the man bring a gun to the clock factory?
To kill some time.
What do you call a problematic person with a gun?
A troubleshooter.
I took my boat out to go fishing today. I looked over and saw my neighbor’s dock was parallel to mine.
I guess I found my self in a real “para-docks”
My writer buddy went to buy a new boat...
He named it Penman-Ship.
Who has the best place on a sailing ship?
The mast, because it has the pole-position.
My friend is trying to persuade me to invest in his knife making business.
He made some excellent points.
Mike Tyson bought a yacht and immediately wrecked it.
Who woulda thunk it?