Doctor, I keep peeing my pants! What can I do?
Urologist: “It’s mind over matter, urine control.”
What do doctors use to diagnose chickens?
Eggsray.
The doctor told me I shouldn’t eat alphabet soup.
I suffer from irritable vowel syndrome.
My doctor didn’t show up to the appointment about my hairline.
He said it got pushed back
Why was the doctor so paranoid?
He worked in the ICU.
I went to see my Doctor this morning and told him "The tablets you gave me to stop me shrinking aren't working".
He said, “You'll just have to be a little patient then”.
Doctor: "Sir, I'm afraid your DNA is backwards"
Me: "And?"
Doctor, Doctor! I'm terrified of words that are also letters!
Oh you are? I see. Why?
What do you call Vietnamese animal doctors?
Vietnam Vets.
There’s a new drama featuring herbivore doctors.
It’s called Graze Anatomy.
A man lost his toe when he dropped a knife on it:
Doctor: I have good news and bad news.
Guy: "Whats the bad news?"
Doc: "They replaced your toe with a piece of candy."
Guy: OMG, and the good news?
Doc: You now have a tic tac toe.
Her name is Carly and she's a doctor
maybe I should C A Rly good doctor.
2 years ago, the doctor told me I was losing my hearing.
Haven't heard from him since then.
A man goes to the Doctor with a banana in one ear, a carrot in the other ear and a cucumber up his nose. “What’s wrong with me doc?” He asks.
“It’s easy, you're not eating properly.” the doctors replies.
A small child was brought into hospital the other day after swallowing several small toy horses.
The doctors report that he is in a stable condition.
Why didn't Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough? Because a cold never bothered her anyway.
Why did the doctor tell the nurse to walk past the pill cupboard quietly?
So she wouldn’t wake the sleeping pills.
Earlier, I tried to sneak into the Star Trek convention disguised as the starship's doctor.
Security soon discoverd, however, I wasn't the real McCoy.
“While I was in the doctor’s waiting room, there was this tiny man, only about six inches tall. Although he was there before me, he let me see the doctor first. I suppose he just had to be a little patient.”
Doctor 1: what’s his body temperature?
Doctor 2: it’s 90 degrees.
Doctor 1: What?! That’s can’t be right!
Doctor 2: No, it is.