What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp?
A bear-faced lyre.
Have you ever had a dream about a bear eating you?
I call them bite-mares.
What do you call two polar bears jerking each other off?
Bipolar.
Why is it cheap to feed polar bears?
Because they live on ice only.
Why do grizzlies never look sad?
Because whenever there’s a problem, they just grin and bear it.
Why did the two bears break up at the North Pole?
They were polar opposites.
What is a polar bear’s favorite cereal?
Ice Crispies.
Where do the teenaged polar bears go to dance?
To the snow-ball.
Where do polar bears keep their money?
In a snow bank.
How does a bear stop a movie?
They hit the paws button.
Who is a polar bear’s favorite musician?
Seal.
Which animal can hibernate while standing on its head?
Yoga Bear.
Why don’t bears eat fast food?
Because it’s hard for them to catch.
Why wouldn’t the papa bear use a navigation system in his truck?
Because he never lost his bearings.
What is a bear’s favorite drink?
Koka-Koala.
What do grizzlies use in the shower?
Bear conditioner.
Why didn’t the baby leave his momma?
Because he couldn’t bear it!
How can you tell when a polar bear is moving?
There’s a “fur sale” sign in the yard.
What color socks do bears wear?
They don’t wear socks, they have bear feet.
What cheese do you use to get a bear out of a tree?
Camembert.
Why didn’t the teddy bear want any dessert?
He was already stuffed.
What does pooh eat at parties?
Blue bear-y pie.
What do you call a bear without any teeth?
A gummy bear.
What do you call a bear who practices dentistry?
A molar bear.
What kind of car does Yogi bear drive?
A Furrari.
What do you call a polar bear in Florida?
A solar bear.
What do you call bears with no ears?
B.
How do you stop a bear from charging?
Take away its credit cards.
What do you call a freezing bear?
A brrrrrrr.
What do you get if you cross a skunk with a bear?
Winnie the PU!
What kind of car do bears drive?
Fur-aris.
What is a polar bear’s favorite food?
Iceberg lettuce and snow peas.
What do you call a bear with no arms and no legs?
An ambulance. This is no time for jokes.
Did you hear about the guy who got killed by a bear?
It was a grizzly death.
If I ever find out the name of the surgeon who messed up my limb transplant, I’ll kill him…
With my bear hands.
What do you call a grizzly bear who gets caught in the rain?
A drizzly bear.
How can a bear catch fish without a pole?
They use their bear hands.
Why did God create Yogi bear?
Because on his first try he made a Boo-Boo.
What do you call a cemetery for bears?
Bearial grounds.
Why do bears have sticky fur?
Because they use honey combs.
Why do bears have fur coats?
Because they look silly wearing jackets.
What do polar bears have for lunch?
Ice burgers.
How do bears keep their houses cool in summer?
Bear conditioning.
Why didn’t the teddy bear eat his lunch?
Because he was stuffed.
I’ll think of another pun soon…
Just bear with me.
What is a polar bear’s favorite snack?
Brrrrrittos.
What did the bear say when her date showed up too early?
I’ll be out in a minute, I’m bearly dressed.
What do you call a Mexican bear with a rubber toe?
Robearto.
Why did the sloth get fired from his job?
He would only do the bear minimum.
What is a bear’s favorite soda?
Coca Koala.