"Men make use of their illnesses at least as much as they are made use of by them." - Aldous Huxley
"Health is merely the slowest way someone can die."
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
"If I knew I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself." —Mickey Mantle
"There's lots of people in this world who spend so much time watching their health that they haven't the time to enjoy it." - Josh Billings
“I like long walks especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.”
Fred Allen
"Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing." —Redd Foxx
"Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?" —George Carlin
"Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon." - Doug Larson
"I will never break up with my gym. We just seem to workout."
- Unknown.
"Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane." - Philip K. Dick
“I don’t deserve a Songwriters Hall of Fame Award. But fifteen years ago, I had a brain operation and I didn’t deserve that, either. So I’ll keep it.”
Don Kardong.
"My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already." —Milton Berle
"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not." - Mark Twain
"My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass." - Leslie Grimutter
“All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.” —Alexander Woollcott
"I can sympathize with people's pains but not with their pleasures. There is something curiously boring about somebody else's happiness." - Aldous Huxley
"I only workout, because I really really like donuts."
- Unknown
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
“Never eat more than you can lift.”
Miss Piggy
"If you're using two-pound weights, how did you even open the door to the gym?"
- Dave Attell
"The best abs exercise is five sets of stop eating so much..."
– Lazar Angelov
“Fond of doctors, little health, Fond of lawyers, little wealth.”
Proverb
“Anywhere is walking distance if you have got the time.”
Steven Wright
"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint." —Mark Twain
“Excercise? I thought you said extra fries.”
"Some people would fall in or out of love with you if you lose or gain a few kilos."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana
“The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you are not in shape for it, its too far to walk back.”
Andy Rooney
"Never eat more than you can lift"- Miss Piggy.
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"I tried every diet in the book. I tried some that weren't in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets."- Dolly Parton
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
"When I feel like exercising I just lie down until the feeling goes away."
- Robert M. Hutchins.
“Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.” —Redd Fox
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
"I consider my refusal to go to the gym today as resistance training ."
- Immortal Souls.
"I can't believe we got grades in gym class. I've never used anything I learned in there."
- Jim Gaffigan
"The trouble with always trying to preserve the health of the body is that it is so difficult to do without destroying the health of the mind." - G.K. Chesterton
"Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory"- Albert Schweitzer
“I tried every diet that was in the book, I tried some that weren’t in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets.”
Dolly Parton
"You ever look for the remote control, but you can't find it, so you just decide, 'Ah, guess I'm not watching TV. I'm not gonna take two steps and turn it on myself. I'll go to the gym if I'm going to work out.'"
- Jim Gaffigan.
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain
"I go to the gym three days a week. You have to or else - I don't want to be the guy that dies shoveling snow."
- Douglas Coupland
"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet." - Rodney Dangerfield
"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." —Alexander the Great
“I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.”- Erik Satie
"Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined." - Samuel Goldwyn
"I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity." - Edgar Allen Poe
"Eating words has never given me indigestion." —Winston Churchill
“It’s a bit unnerving That doctors call what they do practice.”
Unknown
"The word aerobics came about when the gym instructors got together and said, 'If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it jumping up and down'" - Rita Rudner
"If it weren't for the fact that the TV set and the refrigeratir are so far apart, some of us wouldn't get any exercise at all"- Joey Adams