"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." —Fran Lebowitz
"If you're using two-pound weights, how did you even open the door to the gym?"
- Dave Attell
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain
"How sickness enlarges the dimension of a man's self to himself!"- Charles Lamb
"Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge"- Don Kardong
"If I knew I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself." —Mickey Mantle
"Never eat more than you can lift"- Miss Piggy.
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"I tried every diet in the book. I tried some that weren't in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets."- Dolly Parton
"Health is merely the slowest way someone can die."
"Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night." —Dave Barry
"Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it." —Lily Toml
"Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it." —Lily Tomlin
"I only workout, because I really really like donuts."
- Unknown
"I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol."- Steven Write
"Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?" —George Carlin
"Let's have a moment of silence for all those Americans who are stuck in traffic on their way to the gym to ride the stationary bicycle."
- Earl Blumenauer.
"My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already." —Milton Berle
“Sometimes I get the feeling the aspirin companies are sponsoring my headaches.”
Unknown
"A hospital is no place to be sick." —Samuel Goldwyn
“I don’t deserve a Songwriters Hall of Fame Award. But fifteen years ago, I had a brain operation and I didn’t deserve that, either. So I’ll keep it.”
Don Kardong.
“I have to excercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing."- Marsha Doble.
"Red meat is not bad for you. Now blue-green meat, that's bad for you!" - Tommy Smothers
"I can't believe we got grades in gym class. I've never used anything I learned in there."
- Jim Gaffigan
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." —Fran Lebowitz
"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities." - Dr. Seuss
"Sometimes I get the feeling the aspirin companies are sponsoring my headaches." - V.L. Allineare
“I have removed all the bad food from my house, it was delicious.”
"Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane." - Philip K. Dick
"The best abs exercise is five sets of stop eating so much..."
– Lazar Angelov
"Doctors are always working to preserve our health and cooks to destroy it, but the latter are the more often successful." - Denis Diderot
"I consider my refusal to go to the gym today as resistance training ."
- Immortal Souls.
"I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number ou get in a diamond"- Mae West
"My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass." - Leslie Grimutter
"Men scream and go crazy in the gym. I'm a silent workout partner, but when my adrenaline gets up, I talk trash."
- Fergie
"When I feel like exercising I just lie down until the feeling goes away."
- Robert M. Hutchins.
"Eating words has never given me indigestion." —Winston Churchill
"The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back"- Franklin P. Jones
"Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise' I wash my mouth out with chocolate!"
- Unknown.
“I like long walks especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.”
Fred Allen
“I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.”- Erik Satie
"I don't get why people pay to exercise in a gym when it's free to not exercise."
- Bridger Winegar
"My inner advisor is dying to heal me." - Astrid Alauda
"I like long walks, especially when they're taken by people who annoy me"- Fred Allen.
"I am pretty sure that, if you will be quite honest, you will admit that a good rousing sneeze, one that tears open your collar and throws your hair into your eyes, is really one of life's sensational pleasures." - Robert Benchley
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain
"Older people shouldn't eat health food. They need all the preservatives they can get." —Robert Orben
"I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity." - Edgar Allen Poe
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred." —Woody Allen
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
“The only exercise I’ve done this month is running out of money"
"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." —Alexander the Great