"Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional" - Chili Davis
"I don’t plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet." - Rita Rudner
“Old people shouldn’t eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.” – Robert Orben
"Gray hair is God’s graffiti." – Bill Cosby
"Old age comes at a bad time." – San Banducci
"I have successfully completed the thirty-year transition from wanting to stay up late to just wanting to go to bed." - Unknown
"All men are the same age." - Dorothy Parker
"I don't do alcohol anymore—I get the same effect just standing up fast." - Anonymous
"Getting older. I used to be able to run a 4-minute mile, bench press 380 pounds, and tell the truth." - Conan O’Brien
"Old age is always fifteen years older than I am." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
“Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.” - Larry Lorenzon
"One of the many things nobody ever tells you about middle age is that it’s such a nice change from being young." – Dorothy Canfield Fisher
"I’m so old that my blood type is discontinued." - Bill Dane
"When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it’s a sure sign you’re getting old." - Mark Twain
"First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down." - Leo Rosenberg
"Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen." - Mark Twain
"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume control also turns to the left. - Jerry M. Wright
"I've never known a person who lives to be 110 who is remarkable for anything else." —Josh Billings
"When I was young, I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties, I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then, and I’m labeled senile." - George Burns
"I can honestly say I love getting older. Then again, I never put my glasses on before looking in the mirror." - Cherie Lunghi
"I have reached an age when, if someone tells me to wear socks, I don’t have to." - Albert Einstein
"Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your retirement home."- Phyllis Diller
"Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read." – George Burns
"Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act." - Truman Capote
"Today, you’re 50. Now we can round your age up to 100! Happy 50th birthday!" - Dave Barry"
"There is still no cure for the common birthday." - John Glenn
"Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese." – Billie Burke
“Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.” – Maurice Chevalier
"Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up." - John Wagner
“It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.” - Andy Rooney
"Nobody expects to trust his body much after the age of fifty." - Alexander Hamilton
"As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two." - Sir Norman Wisdom
""Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest." - Larry Lorenzoni
"The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for." - Will Rogers
"There is absolutely nothing to be said in favor of growing old. There ought to be legislation against it." - Patrick Moore
"As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer." - Robert Quillen"
"When you’re older, Friday means less parking spots." - Larry David
"I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap." - Bob Hope
"I’m 59 and people call me middle-aged. How many 118-year-old men do you know?"- Barry Cryer
"It’s important to have a twinkle in your wrinkle." - Unknown
“Old age is an excellent time for outrage. My goal is to say or do at least one outrageous thing every week.” - Maggie Kuhn
"At my age, flowers scare me." - George Burns
"I didn’t get old on purpose, it just happened. If you’re lucky, it could happen to you." – Andy Ronney
“The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.”—Lucille Ball
"People ask me what I’d most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit." - George Burns
"Thirty-five is a very attractive age. London society is full of women of the very highest birth who have, of their own free choice, remained thirty-five for years." - Oscar Wilde
"Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes, age just shows up all by itself." - Tom Wilson
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
"A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ‘At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.’" - Claude Pepper
"You know you’re getting old when you can pinch an inch on your forehead." - John Mendoza