“A dog is one of the remaining reasons why some people can be persuaded to go for a walk.”—Orlando Aloysius Battista
“Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later.”
- Mary Bly.
“Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”
Groucho Marx
“In order to maintain a well-balanced perspective, the person who has a dog to worship him should also have a cat to ignore him.” —Peterborough Examiner, Canada
“Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”
- Groucho Marx.
“Never stand between a dog and the fire hydrant.”—John Peer
“Three rebels against the light: the thief, the adulterer, and the bat.”
- Hebrew Proverb.
“A hen is just an egg’s way of making another egg.”
- Weird Science.
“A dog desires affection more than its dinner. Well—almost.”—Charlotte Gray
“Once when I was golfing in Georgia, I hooked the ball into the swamp. I went in after it and found an alligator wearing a shirt with a picture of a little golfer on it.”
- Buddy Hackett.
“People teach their dog to sit; it’s a trick. I’ve been sitting my whole life, and a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky.”—Mitch Hedberg
“No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation."
- Fran Lebowitz
“Money can’t buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it." ~ David Lee Roth
“A cat is a puzzle for which there is no solution.”
- Hazel Nicholson.
“Beaver do better work than the Corps of Engineers.”
- Mike Todd.
“In LA we get coyotes in our garbage cans. Coyotes are just like my relatives. They go out in pairs, they whine at night, and they go anywhere there’s food."
- Billy Crystal
“Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid."
- Mark Twain
“No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.”
- Kin Hubbard.
“The best thing about animals is that they don’t talk much.”
- Thornton Wilder.
“The more excited the rooster gets, the higher his voice goes. He’s got a little bit of a Barney Fife quality to him.”
- Jeff Foxworthy.
“The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree." - Steven Alexander Wright
“In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.”
- Terry Pratchett.
“You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, ‘Wow, you’re right! I never would’ve thought of that!’”—Dave Barry
“Time spent with cats is never wasted.”
Sigmund Freud
“All of the animals except for man know that the principle business of life is to enjoy it.”
- Samuel Butler..
“To my mind, the only possible pet is a cow. Cows love you… They will listen to your problems and never ask a thing in return. They will be your friends forever. And when you get tired of them, you can kill and eat them. Perfect.”
Bill Bryson
“There’s no need for a piece of sculpture in a home that has a cat.”
- Wesley Bates.
“Animals may be our friends, but they won’t pick you up at the airport."
- Bobcat Goldthwait
“I admit opening an alligator petting zoo was not the best idea, but I told the kids to be careful so there’s plenty of blame to go around.”
- John Lyon.
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
“The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.”
- Charles De Gaulle.
“There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face."
Ben Williams
“After scolding one’s cat one looks into its face and is seized by the ugly suspicion that it understood every word. And has filed it for reference.”
- Charlotte Gray.
“No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens." - Abraham Lincoln
“Always respect Mother Nature. Especially when she weighs 400 pounds and is guarding her baby.”
- James Rollins.
“Man is an animal that makes bargains: no other animal does this - no dog exchanges bones with another.”
- Adam Smith.
“Anytime you see a turtle up on top of a fence post, you know he had some help."
- Alex Haley
“The only reason a great many American families don't own an elephant is that they have never been offered an elephant for a dollar down and easy weekly payments."
- Mad Magazine
“As wonderful as dogs can be, they are famous for missing the point.”—Jean Ferris
“Perhaps one reason we are fascinated by cats is because such a small animal can contain so much independence, dignity, and freedom of spirit. Unlike the dog, the cat’s personality is never bet on a human’s. He demands acceptance on his own terms.”
- Lloyd Alexander.
“I’ve never met an animal I didn’t like, and I can’t say the same thing about people.”
- Doris Day.
“Size isn’t everything. The whale is endangered, while the ant continues to do just fine.”
- Bill Vaughan.
“If I'm ever being chased by a giraffe I'm gonna run into a place with low ceiling fans. Sorry, giraffe, but I gotta do what's best for me."
- Amber Tozer
“Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them’s making a poop, the other one’s carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?”
- Jerry Seinfeld.
“It’s just the most amazing thing to love a dog, isn’t it? It makes our relationships with people seem as boring as a bowl of oatmeal.”—John Grogan
“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know."
- Groucho Marx
“If owl parties aren't called hootenannies, this world will never make sense again."
- Reverend Badger
“My fashion philosophy is if you’re not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.”
- Elayne Boosler.
“The happiness of the bee and the dolphin is to exist. For man, it is to know that and to wonder at it.”
- Jacques Yves Cousteau.
“My dog is a half pit bull, half poodle. Not much of a watchdog, but a vicious gossip!”
- Craig Shoemaker.