“I don’t understand people who don’t touch their pets. Their cat or dog is called a pet for a reason.”
- Jarod Kintz.
“In LA we get coyotes in our garbage cans. Coyotes are just like my relatives. They go out in pairs, they whine at night, and they go anywhere there’s food."
- Billy Crystal
“A cat is a puzzle for which there is no solution.”
- Hazel Nicholson.
“The household cat is really a tiger that has underwent three counselling programs.”
- Valeriu Butulescu.
“The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.”
- Andy Rooney.
“If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them.”
- Phil Pastoret.
“As wonderful as dogs can be, they are famous for missing the point.”—Jean Ferris
“No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.”
- Kin Hubbard.
“My fashion philosophy is if you’re not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.”
- Elayne Boosler.
“Dogs teach us a very important lesson in life: the mailman is not to be trusted.”—Sian Ford
“I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.”
Winston Churchill
“Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.”
- Ann Landers.
“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know."
- Groucho Marx
“What does a snail say when he rides on the back of a turtle?
“Whee!”
- Will Durst
“I admit opening an alligator petting zoo was not the best idea, but I told the kids to be careful so there’s plenty of blame to go around.”
- John Lyon.
“A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.” —Robert Benchley
“Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”
- Groucho Marx.
“Size isn’t everything. The whale is endangered, while the ant continues to do just fine.”
- Bill Vaughan.
“To my mind, the only possible pet is a cow. Cows love you… They will listen to your problems and never ask a thing in return. They will be your friends forever. And when you get tired of them, you can kill and eat them. Perfect.”
Bill Bryson
“Always respect Mother Nature. Especially when she weighs 400 pounds and is guarding her baby.”
- James Rollins.
“Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid."
- Mark Twain
“When an 85-pound mammal licks your tears away, then tries to sit on your lap, it’s hard to feel sad.”—Kristan Higgins
“I find that ducks’ opinion of me is greatly influenced by whether I have bread."
- Mitch Hedberg
“If you eliminate smoking and gambling, you will be amazed to find that almost all an Englishman’s pleasures can be, and mostly are, shared by his dog.”
George Bernard Shaw
“Animals may be our friends, but they won’t pick you up at the airport."
- Bobcat Goldthwait
“If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of fun out of owning one.” —Andrew A. Rooney
“Dogs are great. Bad dogs, if you can really call them that, are perhaps the greatest of them all.”—John Grogan
“Properly trained, a man can be dog’s best friend.”
- Corey Ford.
“Beaver do better work than the Corps of Engineers.”
- Mike Todd.
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
“My favorite animal is steak."
- Fran Lebowitz
“A dog desires affection more than its dinner. Well—almost.”—Charlotte Gray
“No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation."
- Fran Lebowitz
“A dog is one of the remaining reasons why some people can be persuaded to go for a walk.”—Orlando Aloysius Battista
"Ideas are like rabbits. You get a couple and learn how to handle them, and pretty soon you have a dozen."
- John Steinbeck.
“Our perfect companions never have fewer than four feet.”
- Colette.
“All of the animals except for man know that the principle business of life is to enjoy it.”
- Samuel Butler..
“Three rebels against the light: the thief, the adulterer, and the bat.”
- Hebrew Proverb.
“Lots of people talk to animals... Not very many listen though... that's the problem.”
― A.A. Milne.
“If owl parties aren't called hootenannies, this world will never make sense again."
- Reverend Badger
“Time spent with cats is never wasted.”
- Sigmund Freud
“The more excited the rooster gets, the higher his voice goes. He’s got a little bit of a Barney Fife quality to him.”
- Jeff Foxworthy.
“Always remember, a cat looks down on man, a dog looks up to man, but a pig will look man right in the eye and see his equal.”
- Sir Winston Churchill.
“Never break a promise to an animal. They're like babies—they won't understand.”
― Tamora Pierc
“Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them’s making a poop, the other one’s carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?”
- Jerry Seinfeld.
“There’s no need for a piece of sculpture in a home that has a cat.”
- Wesley Bates.
“Cats have a scam going – you buy the food, they eat the food, they go away; that’s the deal.”
- Eddie Izzard.
“Time spent with cats is never wasted.”
Sigmund Freud
“What do dogs do on their day off? Can’t lie around – that’s their job.”
- George Carlin.
“You know why fish are so thin? They eat fish.
- Jerry Seinfeld"