“People who never do any more than they get paid for, never get paid for any more than they do.” — Elbert Hubbard
“Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.” — Will Rogers
“If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.” – Betty Reese
“Leaders who don’t listen will eventually be surrounded by people who have nothing to say.” – Andy Stanley
“Like vinegar to the teeth, and smoke to the eyes, so are the lazy to their employers.” – Proverb 10:26
“I’m not retiring, I am graduating . . . retirement means that you’ll just go ahead and live on your laurels and surf all day in Oceanside. It ain’t going to happen.” – Junior Seau
“It’s a shame that the only thing a man can do for eight hours a day is work. He can’t eat for eight hours; he can’t drink for eight hours; he can’t make love for eight hours. The only thing a man can do for eight hours is work.” — William Faulkner
“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called everybody, and they meet at the bar.” – Drew Carey
“Anyone who can walk to the welfare office can walk to work."
~ Al Capp
“My favorite animal is steak."
- Fran Lebowitz
“Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.” – Charlie McCarthy
“Time is an illusion. Lunchtime is doubly so.” – Douglas Adams
"The world is divided into people who do things–and people who get the credit."
~ Dwight Morrow
“Nothing is so embarrassing as watching someone do something that you said couldn’t be done.” – Sam Ewing
“People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.” – Ogden Nash
“If owl parties aren't called hootenannies, this world will never make sense again."
- Reverend Badger
“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know."
- Groucho Marx
“I always give 100% at Work: 10% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 22% Thursday, and 5% Friday.” –Anonymous
“A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don’t have a J.O.B.” – Fats Domino
“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day!” — Anonymous
“I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” — Charles Lamb
“The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.” — Stanley J. Randall
“Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.” — Homer Simpson
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."
~ Douglas Adams
“Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow.” — Don Herold
“A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.” — Henry Kissenger
“It’s a funny feeling to work with people who you consider your colleagues and to realize that they actually are young enough to be your children."
~ Alan Alda
“I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I’m lying. – Rita Rudner
“My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.” – Anonymous
“Be like a postage stamp. Stick to a thing till you get there.” — Josh Billings
“Pride, commitment and teamwork are words they use to get you to work for free.” – Anonymous
“Lisa, if you don’t like your job you don’t strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way."
~ Homer Simpson
"If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire."
~ Cannon’s Law
"The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary."
~ Vince Lombardi
“Find a job you like and you add five days to every week."
~ H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
“Doing nothing is very hard to do… you never know when you’re finished.” — Leslie Nielsen
“Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.” — George Carlin
“There’s no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn’t tell you about it?” -Kin Hubbard
“As I have gotten older and wiser I discovered that there are six things that I really loved about my job. Pay day, lunch time, quitting time, vacation time, holidays, and of course retirement.” — Tom Goins
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
"Learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t live long enough to make them all yourself."
~ Anonymous
“Why do people say they wish every day was Friday? If it was always Friday, we’d be here every freakin’ day.” — Ed Bernard
“If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be ‘meetings.” – Dave Barry
“There’s something boring about people who have to go to an office for a living."
~ Karl Lagerfeld
“An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field.” — Niels Bohr
“If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter.” — John Gotti
“Going to work for a large company is like getting on a train. Are you going sixty miles an hour or is the train going sixty miles an hour and you’re just sitting still?” — J. Paul Getty
"Everybody makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when no one is looking."
~ Anonymous
“The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches."
~ Bove’s Theorem
“I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.” — Jerome K. Jerome