"Everyone’s a little bit crazy and a little bit loud. But everyone’s sharing a generous amount of love."
“Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.”
– George Carlin
"I crossed a time zone and I feel younger already. If I keep traveling west, I can become immortal."
- Jarod Kintz
"What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?"
- George Carlin
"When traveling with someone, take large doses of patience and tolerance with your morning coffee."
– Helen Hayes
“Venice is like eating an entire box of chocolate liqueurs in one go.”
— Truman Capote
“I have found out that there ain’t no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.”
– Mark Twain
"There are two kinds of travel – first class and with children."
– Robert Benchley
“Flying is hours and hours of boredom sprinkled with a few seconds of sheer terror.”
- Gregory “Pappy” Boyington
"Ships at a distance have every man’s wish on board."
- Zora Neale Hurston
“I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.”
– Steven Wright
"Once the travel bug bites there is no known antitode, and I know that I shall be happily infected until the end of my life."
- Michael Palin
“Boy, those French. They have a different word for everything.”
– Steve Martin
“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”
– George Carlin
"If you want your children to turn out well, spend twice as much time with them and half as much money."
– Abigail Van Buren
"How can people my age plan spontaneous trips to Thailand, I can barely afford a spontaneous soft pretzel."
"I bought my wife a ticket to go on a cruise. It's no Titanic, but I'm optimistic."
"You know it’s time for a vacation when you start looking like the person on your driving license…"
"The main point of a cruise is to eat until you weigh the same as the boat."
“It’s my car now, but as soon as it’s fixed, it’ll be my daughter’s again.”
– Jeff Stahler
"Only on a cruise shiip will you pay hundreds of dollar a day to sleep in a closet."
"Stop worrying about the potholes in the road and enjoy the journey."
– Babs Hoffman
“The mud will wash off but the memories will last a lifetime.”
“Driving is boring,” Rabbit pontificates, “but it’s what we do. Most of American life is driving somewhere and then driving back wondering why the hell you went.”
– John Updike
"Like all bad drivers, he thought he was the best driver in the world."
- Rebecca West
“Jet lag is for amateurs.”
— Dick Clark
"The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails."
- William Arthur Ward
On Big Ben. “It’s just a big clock? I don’t understand all the hype with this clock. It is literally just a clock. It’s going to be a digital one in thirty years anyway. ”
— Montgomery Smith
“A tourist is a fellow who drives thousands of miles so he can be photographed standing in front of his car.”
– Emile Ganest
"You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance."
– Franklin P. Jones
"People complain that there are delays on flights. Delays, really? New York to California in five hours, that used to take 30 years."
- Louis C.K.
“Never underestimate the therapeutic power of driving and listening to very loud music.”
“You’re not truly a parent until you’ve yelled at your kid for drinking fluid on a road trip because now they have to pee again.”
— Abe Yospe
“When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.”
– Prince Philip
“The worst thing about being a tourist is having other tourists recognize you as a tourist!”
– Russell Baker
"Like gum to a shoe, you’re stuck with me and I’m stuck with you."
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
- Mark Twain
"I’m a travel fiend on the road to recovery. Just kidding. I’m headed to the airport."
“To attract men, I wear a perfume called ‘New Car Interior.'”
– Rita Rudner
"I haven’t worn these trousers since I bought them. I should definitely pack them for my 3-day vacation. Just in case."
“Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?”
– Robin Williams
"You call it a pandemonium. We call it a family vacation."
"There are only two emotions on a plane: boredom and terror."
- Orson Welles
“If everything comes your way, you are in the wrong lane.”
"Yeah, working is great… but have you tried traveling?"
"Parents don’t really go on holidays. They just look after their kids in a different country for a while."
"Drive slow and enjoy the scenery - drive fast and join the scenery."
- Douglas Horton
"I wish I was a postcard. For under a dollar, I could travel to any location in the world."
“I’m getting used to wearing flip-flops everywhere. It’s a dangerous place to be. Next thing you know, I’m gonna show to a board meeting in sandals.”
"I’m getting tired of waking up and not being at the beach."