“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” —Phyllis Diller
“Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with." ~From a Washington Post word contest
"Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy." ~ Groucho Marx
“There were times my pants were so thin I could sit on a dime and tell if it was heads or tails.” -Spencer Tracy quotes
"Who is rich? He that is content. Who is that? Nobody.” ~ Benjamin Franklin
“Economists report that a college education adds many thousands of dollars to a man’s lifetime income – which he then spends sending his son to college.” — Bill Vaughn
“People are living longer than ever before, a phenomenon undoubtedly made necessary by the 30-year mortgage." ~Doug Larson
“Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt." ~ Herbert Hoover
“I’m stuck between “I need to save money.” and “You only live once.”” – Anonymous
“What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin” –Mark Twain
“To make a million, start with $900,000.” - Morton Shulman.
“Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery." ~ Spike Milligan
"Too many people spend money they haven’t earned, to buy things they don’t want, to impress people they don’t like." ~ Will Smith
“All I ask is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy." ~ Spike Milligan
“There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage” — James Holt McGavran
"Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly payment is due." ~Author Unknown
“My formula for success is rise early, work late and strike oil.” JP Getty.
“Undermine the entire economic structure of society by leaving the pay toilet door ajar so the next person can get in free.” - Taylor Meade
“Business is the art of extracting money from another man’s pocket without resorting to violence." ~Max Amsterdam
“Money’s only something you need in case you don’t die tomorrow." ~ Martin Sheen
“Money and women. They’re two of the strongest things in the world. The things you do for a woman you wouldn’t do for anything else. Same with money.” — Satchel Paige
"Ah, yes, divorce… A Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet." ~ Robin Williams
"I am having an out-of-money experience." ~ Anonymous
“The economy depends about as much on economists as the weather does on weather forecasters." ~Jean-Paul Kauffmann
“All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.” Spike Milligan.
“Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy beer." ~ Gary Reilly
“I finally know what distinguishes man from other beasts: financial worries.” – Jules Renard
“If women didn’t exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning." ~Aristotle Onassis
“Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won’t be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.” -Henny Youngman
“Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair." ~Sam Ewing
“Saving is a very fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.” – Winston Churchill
"Staying in bed all day is my way of saving money." ~ Anonymous
“When a fellow says it ain’t the money but the principle of the thing, it’s the money.” – Artemus Ward
“Money doesn’t solve all problems but it could solve my money problem.” – Anonymous
“Money isn’t everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children." ~ J. Paul Getty
“I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?” — Milton Berle
“The poor have more children, but the rich have more relatives.” – Unknown
“I rob banks because that’s where the money is.” Willie Sutton.
“It’s money. I remember it from when I was single” — Billy Crystal
“I love money. I love everything about it. I bought some pretty good stuff. Got me a $300 pair of socks. Got a fur sink. An electric dog polisher. A gasoline powered turtleneck sweater. And, of course, I bought some dumb stuff, too.” – Steve Martin
"Money is like a sixth sense – and you can’t make use of the other five without it." ~ William Somerset Maugham
"Men are like bank accounts. The more money, the more interest they generate." ~ Mark Twain
“Money is the opposite of the weather. Nobody talks about it, but everybody does something about it.” – Rebecca Johnson
“If you owe the bank $100 that’s your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that’s the bank’s problem.” -JP Getty.
"There is a very easy way to return from a casino with a small fortune: go there with a large one." ~ Jack Yelton
“It’s money. I remember it from when I was single.” – Billy Crystal
“A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.” – Bob Hope
"It’s easy to meet expenses, everywhere we go, there they are." ~ Anonymus
“If inflation continues to soar, you’re going to have to work like a dog just to live like one." ~George Gobel
"Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are? Wall Street is now being called Wall Mart Street." ~ Jay Leno